The significance of impression management in a relationship

Let’s face it. We all try to impress others – to put our best foot forward, to try to be a witty conversationalist, and to get people to like us. It’s called impression management. If you’ve been doing that and beating yourself up about being an attention seeker, guess what, you’re absolutely normal. Impression management … More The significance of impression management in a relationship

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7 Stages of a relationship

When I sit and wonder why relationships are the way they are today, most unhappy than others, I’m curious to know where they must have missed it. Yet every relationship, except matched ones (yet I stand to be corrected), start with a strong likeness toward their spouse/partner. How then did this likeness change into something unrecognizable?

Maybe because relationships have phases. Perhaps, they metamorphosis into new levels with every communication or meeting which leaves us either in a better space with our partners/spouses or a not-so-pleasant space with one another.

I first heard of the word “rebound” after Uni and it baffled me to think that another person should be the scape goat for you to avoid the pain of a recent breakup. But I suppose a lot of people would be guilty of this and perhaps forged a relationship out of this cushioned affiliation into a deeper level. At this junction, I think it is wise to advice that you need to first realize who a person is in your life and of what essence they have come to be in your life before you go on forging relationships with people who aren’t meant to be.

Having said that, let’s explore my “7 stages of every relationship”.

The pretentious stage – So you like someone who likes you too but you are a little bit hesitant to start the conversation. You seem to be very good friends when in group but pretend to not care about each other when it comes down to both of you. You somehow gather the strength to begin a random conversation on WhatsAppor Facebook and that’s how you start to get to know each other. During this stage, you bring out the good in you and leave out details which might make you seem like every other guy/girl in the world. After all, who wouldn’t want to stand out?
Infatuation – Infatuation is wonderful, a fervent excitement, passion, butterflies fluttering in one’s stomach, but it is not love, not by definition. So, basically the two of you have decided to give this ‘fling’ a chance. This is the honeymoon period for any relationship. You would do anything to be with that special person and become inseparable. You start your day with a ‘Good morning baby’ message and end your day with a cheesy ‘Goodnight Sweetheart’ text. Texting while you eat and poop becomes a norm for which your family will despise you for eternity.
Hard realization of the truth – This is where relationships really begin after diving foolhardy into it. This is the ‘mid-relationship crisis’ if you want to call it that, the beginning of all that you set out to avoid in a relationship. This stage is an important and, undoubtedly, unpleasant part in any relationship. By learning to resolve conflicts and working through problems, you grow and mature. You get to know that you have to break away from your ego or you either break up or make it work at this stage.
The second honeymoon stage – You two have made it through the rough and hard realizations posed by your relationship. You are now entering a steady stage where real romance minus many arguments takes off. Now there is the quiet after the storm – a deepening sense of friendship, commitment, trust and stability grows letting you get back to getting on with your life. You know where you stand with each other, you each have your own space and have more confidence and trust in your relationship.
The auto-cruise stage – So you’ve been together for a while now, you know one another pretty well. At this stage, you are in well comfortable with each other, trusting each through and through even when you are not together. You become the perfect lovers and know most of the things which others might not about your significant other.
The commitment stage – This is almost like an extension of the auto-cruise stage but a slightly deeper level. In this stage, you are now well familiar and accustomed to each other, after all the ups and downs in your relationship, you are finally in a long-term committed stage. You are willing to sacrifice for your better half. This is the part of relationship that can be scary – and good all at the same time!
Happily ever after stage – Congratulations!! You have found the love of your life if you are in this stage. You finally realize that you two are made for each other and can look forward to a ‘Happily Ever After’ ending, to a large extent 😉
Be careful and honest to identify which stage of your relationship you are at before jumping straight to “happily ever after” so that you don’t end up at “happily never after”.

It’ll be fun to hear read your comments on this below. … More 7 Stages of a relationship

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Importance of sex in a relationship

Hi people!
How are y’all doing? Enjoying your weekend? I am, having spent a well-deserved quality time with my family today and the weekend just got started.
Sometime during the week, I had been moody and overwhelmed. I looked forward to some alone time with my husband, at least for the obvious importance (to refresh ) but before I could fantasies, I tried to slap the thought out of me and focus on work instead. Well, that was before I read this post supposedly by Leslie posted by Eddaz.
I recall someone asking my opinion on a controversial write up she wants to put up titled ‘let’s negotiate sex’. Well, I told her the content is what will really determine whether it’s controversial or not but of course, first reactions and impressions would be drawn based on the word sex in the title.
So what is it that draws people or intrigues us about sex? Well, for one thing, it does have its many advantages. It aids a good night sleep, refreshes, rejuvenates, and brings couples closer, building intimacy and reassurance and confidence. Confidence in self-esteem and confidence in your relationship. They say kisses and cuddles a day lengthens a life-span, however true that is. I advised a friend who’s had flu for about a month to get things steamy with her husband after she lamented that all the drugs were not relieving her. I suppose she took my advice because when I saw her in the morning, she was not only glowing, the flu was gone and she just looked altogether new. That’s what sex does. Of course, it opens easier line of communication with your partner and whatever you were not able to freely discuss before, becomes easier afterwards.
We women like to be modest about our desires, that’s fine I suppose. But holding back too much is like wearing a bra while having sex. We know that won’t get you and your partner the well appreciated and hotter perspective. So embrace how you feel, how sex makes you feel and enjoy a healthier longer life and relationship.
Have a sexy weekend y’all. … More Importance of sex in a relationship

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Bearing it all

I can’t help but refer to this over and over. One of the things that got me hooked on my husband was his simplistic approach to life, to relationships. Life is what it is, can be complicated but it’s as simple as you want it to be. I fell in love with his notion because it’s who I am. I like to be straightforward, simple and let it all hang loose. You can pick the elements you want and let go of those you don’t need when I’m done letting it out. Either way, do one but don’t hold on to one and condemn me by the other. Let me explain.

Men and women, we both want to be totally at peace with ourselves, with our partners or whoever we choose to be with. Genuine relationships are based on how much of a truth you know about the person you’re with and how much of the real you the other person knows. But I’ve found, a lot of women confirm this too, that there is a limit to the information you can give a guy and he won’t find one of them to use against you. Opinions are often formed without insight. A lot of my male friends, even right from Uni, tell me I’m not a typical female. I like to be real, to be myself and, well I don’t expect everyone to like me for who I am but for those who have chosen to, I expect understanding, tolerance and support for what I am and appreciate my flaws too.

I was at a female social gathering some time ago and a lady recounted how in her first relationship, she was open about herself with her partner, shared her excitements, her fears, her ups and downs, even her potential wild side but eventually whenever sometime went wrong, certain things she confided in her partner which didn’t quite go down well with him would then resurface, using them against her honor. I’ve heard guys say they want “a lady on the street but a freak in bed”, something along those lines but how often do you encourage the same woman to be both without judging her at some point? The lady confessed that she took the learning from that relationship into her next and it so happened that because she wasn’t free to express herself, she couldn’t quite understand herself in that relationship. So at what point is confiding and letting it all hang loose in your relationship sharing too much information? Or at what point should you be weary that certain things you’ve said are being used against you?

I love love. It been my favorite thing since I understood its meaning. Sometimes I’m not proud of it because I find I let myself be ruled by my emotions whereas it ought to be the other way round. But I’m learning to be in control of my emotions instead. But when I love, I let it all hang loose, keeping nothing away. I don’t expect to be condemned or judged by it. I can’t speak for a lot of people but I appreciate the truth and I am mature enough to deal with it. I would rather know and be courageous enough to live committedly by my decision. … More Bearing it all

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