FAQs after saying ‘I do’

Understanding that there is no school for fundamental lifestyle such as marriage, third parties often give advice based on their own experiences but we must understand that no two marriages will ever be the same, not even if two twins were to marry each other’s twin. Just as our hearts beat differently, so does our situations and circumstances differ. … More FAQs after saying ‘I do’

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Story telling: Series 16

“Why won’t you say something?” Nifemi yelled. Then in the twinkle of an eye, she could almost see moments from her life flashing before her eyes. How her parents had almost disowned her when she disobeyed for his sake. She did it for the sake of the love that she believes in, without any inkling that it would someday wane. Nifemi fell to the ground and broke down in uncontrollable tears. She was so furious that she didn’t know when picked herself up and hit Olusegun across the face. He was shocked then angered.

“Forgive me”, was all he said before he left the room, leaving her crying on the terrazzo floor. … More Story telling: Series 16

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Reblog: What to do when you’re thinking of ending your marriage

If you’ve found yourself straddling the fence and it feels like your only two options are to stay in an unsatisfying relationship or get divorced, it’s a tough place to be. It’s also a critical time where your immediate actions can make a big difference to the outcome of your marriage. Hopefully, the third option is to improve your marriage and enjoy your relationship once again. … More Reblog: What to do when you’re thinking of ending your marriage

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When does a marital issue become a public affair?

It’s not only sad but it is heart-piercing when I read different relationship issues, marriage issues on social media and you find more women than men seeking advice, ranting and begging for solutions on how to get it together again, with or without their spouses.

A pastor once prayed for the happiness of a troubled couple. He says whether it be together or in separation, happiness and peace of mind is the most important thing. Now this is a contradictory prayer you’ll often hear from pastors or Christians. As much as we want to play holy and be without blame, in most cases, we often neglect the truth of the issue to address it accordingly. No two marriages are the same, therefore, no one solution will apply to both. If only the church will be as realistic as the issues most marriages face, I believe there won’t be so much confused people on social media seeking advice from total strangers and hoping to get genuine answers. … More When does a marital issue become a public affair?

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Your promise to me

I promise to hold your hand forever and for always
I promise to hold your hand through the good and the bad times
. . .
Are you still holding my hand?
I promised to hold it, didn’t I?
Just checking
. . .
Why did you left my hand?
I could barely feel my hand after a while.
I will hold your other hand if you want me to.
No. I don’t want the inconveniencing on my other hand
But you promised to hold my hand through the good and the bad times.
That was before I understood what it would feel like to be held down for the rest of my life.
But we promised.
I know.
I can hold you wherever else you want me to.
I don’t want to be held anymore.
But you promised.
I just don’t love you anymore.
More Your promise to me

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It Boils Down To Two Choices  

There are a lot of marriages out there that aren’t thriving. Yet the bulk of the responsibility to keep it together is on the woman. Who teaches girls or rather who brain-washes girls that their responsibility is to baby their marriage and chase their husbands till they die? When they are babying another adult, who will baby them? Or are women destined to be the sad haggard one in life? Yet when these women reach out for help, the general word is, it’s your cross or lot in life and then you find that they resign to living out their days with a spouse who is flawed and making them anxious and miserable.

I have both female and male friends who like to engage in very meaningful and intimate conversations about love and life. I listen especially closely to my male friends because they offer insights that help me navigate my own relationship with my husband.

Listening to people has made it as simple as it can be. Everything boils down to:

You make your choices and live with them;
OR
You change your mind and make new choices. … More It Boils Down To Two Choices  

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He loved her anyway

I discovered this new blog yesterday and I’m enchanted already. More because it centers on female advocacy that I try to dabble into once in a while. One of the stories I read reminded me of a story a friend recounted to me years ago. Allow me to share with you.

Fadeke is now in her 40s. She’s been married for almost 10years but more than half of that time, her husband has been with this same girl and Fadeke is fully aware of it all – where she works, where she leaves, how her husband sees her every single day of the week and so on. Of course, she’s not fine with it but since her faith is different now, she believes there’s no battle you can’t win on your knees. So she does 21days fasting, dry fast, 40days, and mountain praying till she was diagnosed with peptic ulcer. Has it worked for her? I honestly don’t know. I personally don’t like to be overly interested in the aspect of people’s lives they wish away. … More He loved her anyway

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6 Signs Your Wife Is Totally Fed Up With You

In any marriage or long-term relationship, you have to stay present. Unfortunately, far too many men take their partner’s satisfaction in the relationship for granted, said Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill, a marriage and family therapist and the author of A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage: The Essentials for Long-Lasting Togetherness.

Many men don’t notice when their wives have disengaged. Some wives wait to see if their spouses will care and notice the telling behavior. Husbands clearly need to take the initiative and engage.

Below, Gilchrest O’Neill and other marriage therapists share some of the most revealing signs that wives have emotionally checked out of their marriages.

She seems to have changed overnight:
Marriage therapist Becky Whetstone said that husbands often come into her office and tell her that their wives’ demeanor has changed, seemingly overnight. All too often, they haven’t picked up on illuminating indicators that their wives are fed up.

“While trying to improve the marriage, she may have made requests of him that have been ignored, waved and danced around,” Whetstone said. “In most cases, the wife has reached a point where she has decided to turn her back on the marriage due to frustration and disillusionment with her husband.” … More 6 Signs Your Wife Is Totally Fed Up With You

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6 Signs Your Husband Has Checked Out Of Your Marriage

All too often, husbands who come into marriage therapist Becky Whetstone’s office have already experienced what she calls an “emotional divorce.” “Sometimes, people get so fed up and disgruntled, there’s a disconnection process,” she said. “When that happens, the husband will mostly be apathetic about their partner and the relationship as a whole. That’s when an emotional divorce takes place.”

Below, Whetstone and other marriage therapists share some of the most telling signs that a husband has emotionally checked out of their marriage. (Note that either spouse could experience these problems ― but therapists say men tend to bring them up more often.) These signs however may apply to both parties in a marriage.

1.He’s hypercritical of everything you do:

When you’re in love, you overlook certain personality quirks your spouse possesses. You forgive them for every oversight or mistake. In other words, in most instances, you’re generous toward them.
More 6 Signs Your Husband Has Checked Out Of Your Marriage

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Domestic Issues

Hi guys,
I saw the below link story in the papers just the next day from my previous post and I thought I needed to share it. However, I have been pretty occupied lately so forgive me it’s coming a bit behind schedule.
Man murders wife’s lover on their matrimonial bed.
Seriously, guys when I hear of this sort of stories, it really does reiterate my cry for love in a marriage. And really, if it’s not working anymore, be courageous enough to save everyone the stress and address the issues. If it so happens to lead to a divorce, then I suppose it’s better and more respectable that way than become a mockery like this.
Be a respectable and responsible adult.
More Domestic Issues

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