The thought of “second marriage”

Taking a chance in life is one of the most difficult things a person can do. Humans are genetically wired to crave and pursue comfort in every aspect of life. Any deviation from this course and we become paranoid and somewhat out of balance. Life, and the work it demands to meet all of our basic needs, is all about balance. Our pursuit of happiness and self-actualization is no different. The good news is that balance looks different to everyone and no one person is right in what appears to appeal to them. However, a person’s definition of balance is a mix of their innate wants and basic needs and their personal opinions about how those things relate to the world around them, otherwise, there is a displacement which puts a person lopsided. … More The thought of “second marriage”

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Celebration with Reservations

I saw a picture message on Instagram on Sunday asking people to drop comments to describe their fathers. I was shocked at the alarming number of insulting comments and curses by people to their Dads. Like seriously? “He-goat”, “Bastard”, “What does that even mean?”, “There’s no such word in my dictionary”. And I wondered, how does a father, who is supposed to be the epitome of honor and pride in the family become such object of ridicule and hate? … More Celebration with Reservations

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Who will address the ill that has found its’ way into the family?

Some stories I’ve heard this week has shocked me to my very bone and the truth is, no one is really addressing these issues head on – practically. The African society makes it impossible to speak out as a woman and expect to get helpful responses to deal with these issues with useful advice. The Church makes it even worse for these things to be mentioned amongst us. But have we stopped to realize that in reality, most of us are not as spiritual as we want the society to believe we are? And men take advantage of this, knowing the society can only encourage or lead the woman on to keep hoping, be prayerful and patient. Are we actually looking at the situation from the perspective that we are only encouraging the men to be lazier and less responsible for their actions? Who is going to address the men to get off their butts and be real men? … More Who will address the ill that has found its’ way into the family?

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Story telling: Series 15

Moving to the new house would have been a time to really begin to enjoy some much desired privacy with Olusegun but he had suddenly changed from the loving, sensitive and helpful man he used to be for reasons she couldn’t understand. His attention seemed diverted by the day. He was now worried about getting an extra job, something Nifemi didn’t understand what he needed it for. It wasn’t that she had complained that she wasn’t getting enough pocket money for herself or the children. He was hardly around and when he was, he seemed to be concerned with a lot on his which he wasn’t sharing with Nifemi and that made her worry even more. She tried to put up with his late-night, his sudden and frequent drinking attitude but being ignored was something she could not coping well with. … More Story telling: Series 15

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Story telling: Series 14

One rainy Friday evening when Bunmi came crying to Olusegun at his chalet, she had watched carefully to ensure that no one saw her go in. She came in through the rear entrance. She wore a black veil over her face so that no one would recognize her. Olusegun was caught in a vulnerable state when he saw the girl in tears drenched in the rain. … More Story telling: Series 14

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Story telling: Series 13

“It is more than a piece of paper. It is tradition, the right thing to do. Don’t be deceived. I see you are feeling comfortable now because she has your daughter so you think she won’t leave you because of that. My dear, even married women with four children have abandoned their families. Be wise and do the right thing”, Mama pulled her ears in warning to him.

“I have heard you”.

Meanwhile, Nifemi’s mother was making a scheme of her own. Having her daughter around often gave her new confidence about reuniting her with Mr. Martins. … More Story telling: Series 13

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Story telling: Series 12

“Mama Savage was just asking about Nifemi”, Nifemi’s mother cuts in blatantly. She raised her brows to her mother in disapproval. It was her issue to discuss, not hers. Mr. Adeniji looked at his wife as though she just committed a grave offence. For some reason, he could not believe Nifemi’s issue would still come up in his house. However he was obliged to give Mama Savage due respect and full audience.

“What about Nifemi?” he asked, after he took his seat opposite the television set. He kept his irritated gaze on his wife. It was definitely a plot between mother and daughter as far as he was concerned. … More Story telling: Series 12

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Story telling: Series 11

“I believe my work here is done. I will take my leave now”, Mr. Adeniji said brashly. “Woman, meet me in the car”. Nifemi’s mother watched her husband walk out the door, defeated. She wished he had commanded Nifemi to follow them home, despite the flimsy excuses she gave about her duties towards her sick baby. But even she could not be that oblivious to the reality at hand. It would have been better if they had asked her to abort the pregnancy at its early stage, she thought. Above all, she felt heart-broken to see her daughter, whom she had invested so much trust and hope, lead a life so ordinary. She would have thought she wanted more, something different from what her parents had aiming higher to be better for herself and her family. But she realized that after staying with a man for a year to have his baby and live among his people, what really was left? Even she herself has come to be addressed as Mrs. Adeniji without any formal nuptial rites. She was saddened that Nifemi had chosen the same course which, whether for or against her parents’ wishes, was not going to change. … More Story telling: Series 11

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Story telling: Series 9

“It’s a girl”, the midwife said.

Nifemi stretched out her arms to receive her baby while still on the high table where she had just delivered. She had insisted before she went into labor that she wanted to hold her baby immediately after delivery. The midwives were not in the school of thought of presenting a new born to its mother before cleaning and dressing, but Mama had asked them to oblige Nifemi anything she wanted. Nifemi had nightmares of her separation from her baby so she wanted that first bond so that the baby would always remember her. So she thought. She looked at the baby in her arms and smiled at the angelic face. The smile was almost turning into tears now, new tears all over again. Yet the seeming tears of joy were soon replaced by heavy sobs in fear of future eventualities. … More Story telling: Series 9

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Story telling: Series 8

Olusegun was angered by Mr. Adeniji’s verdict. He thought he was treated like an inconsequential boy in the matter. Nifemi was betrothed to another man anyway; sooner or later, she was bound to get pregnant and truncate her so-called ambition. They probably would have felt less infuriated if he was as wealthy as Mr. Martins. The thought angered him and the sudden rush of emotions showed in the squeezed lines on his forehead as he looked at Nifemi’s mother. Nevertheless, he was tongue-tied for the sake of his mother and Nifemi.

“Do you have anything to say to me, boy?” Mrs. Adeniji asked him. … More Story telling: Series 8

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