Would you rather face your issues or sweep them under the carpet?

One way of coping with conflict is to sweep things under the carpet which basically means “To conceal a problem expediently, rather than remedy it thoroughly.” Sometimes the tendency to sweep things under the rug comes with the hope that what is concealed will remain undiscovered. Maybe we also do this because the truth is too painful to bear, or we fear the other person’s reaction and the consequences, or we hope things can be resolved without raising the issue. 

More Would you rather face your issues or sweep them under the carpet?

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While you’re waiting for that Mr. Right,

It’s so easy to take a look in the mirror and say to yourself, ‘the one who will marry me will be very lucky’. I’ve done it before. Well, I still think that the one who married me is lucky indeed but really, at first glance, I am very unassuming. I can cook, sew, mend, and care for babies. I’m patient, I’m kind and all those things a lot of people thought I was not when I was in Uni especially and afterward. They were probably seeing the surface side to me – the enigmatic beauty, and nothing more.

Men love that unattainable side to a woman. Well, that’s until they attain the woman and they look forward to the next unattainable “thing”. But what makes a man stay with a woman, perhaps, after that first mystery is unveiled? Beyond the beauty, carriage and packaging, should be a wife-material if you’re actually looking to be married sometime in the future. … More While you’re waiting for that Mr. Right,

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Financial pressures & Materialism in marriage

As simple as marriage was designed to be, there are lots of issues we encounter along the way that makes us wonder if we made the right choice or if we can live with our choices for the rest of our lives. This is why it is important from time to time to encourage ourselves as married people on managing some of these expectations or dealing better with challenges we face. One major culprit of marital conflict is financial challenges. Just like any other challenge with marriage, financial challenges can be subdued by overcoming our fears and exercising self-control. However, when the financial challenges become pressures then there’s only one culprit – materialism. … More Financial pressures & Materialism in marriage

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When does a marital issue become a public affair?

It’s not only sad but it is heart-piercing when I read different relationship issues, marriage issues on social media and you find more women than men seeking advice, ranting and begging for solutions on how to get it together again, with or without their spouses.

A pastor once prayed for the happiness of a troubled couple. He says whether it be together or in separation, happiness and peace of mind is the most important thing. Now this is a contradictory prayer you’ll often hear from pastors or Christians. As much as we want to play holy and be without blame, in most cases, we often neglect the truth of the issue to address it accordingly. No two marriages are the same, therefore, no one solution will apply to both. If only the church will be as realistic as the issues most marriages face, I believe there won’t be so much confused people on social media seeking advice from total strangers and hoping to get genuine answers. … More When does a marital issue become a public affair?

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Conflict management: In marriage

This is not a good time to be in conflict with your partner. In fact, no time is good to be in difference with your spouse. Valentine or not. However, I heard someone say conflict is needed in any relationship in exchange for a better one. Even if that is true, it doesn’t make the idea of conflict appeal to me any more than it did. Although only few couples like to admit it, conflict is common to all marriages. We have had our share of conflict and some of our disagreements have not been pretty. Since every marriage has its moment of tension, I suppose bringing to limelight how to deal with these tensions is inevitable. Conflict can lead to a process that develops oneness or destruction. You and your spouse must choose how you will act when conflict occurs to derive the oneness you want in your home.
1.Resolving a conflict requires an open avenue for communicating your differences and disagreements with your spouse – be objective, not emotional
2.Resolving conflict requires knowing, accepting, and adjusting to your differences. We don’t all come from the same background; have the same ideals and opinions so leave room for some adjusting.
3.Resolving conflict requires defeating selfishness. No one, by default, wants to put anyone else before themselves. By defeating selfishness, it doesn’t entirely mean you are forfeiting your desires for your spouse but you need to let go of the opinion that it is all about you.
4.Resolving conflict requires pursuing the other person. If the ultimate in your marriage is the peace and happiness of your home, then you should know it’s neither about you nor your partner. It’s God and God is love. If you let love reign in your marriage, then pursuing the well-being of the other person becomes your priority.
5.Resolving conflict requires loving confrontation. Now, as crazy and difficult as this may seem, it does have its benefit if you have checked and cleared the following that your emotions are not getting the better of you.
6.Resolving conflict requires accepting and forgiveness. The key to maintaining an open, intimate, and happy marriage is to ask for and grant forgiveness quickly. And the ability to do that is tied to each individual’s relationship with God.

Yoruba people say (translated) – the good things deserve prayers; the things that are also lacking deserve prayers. As stated in the opening paragraph, every marriage has its moment of tension and if this is not managed and addressed properly, delicately, it can lead to isolation and the destruction of your hard work. Know that it is not by your efforts alone though, because by yourself, you can do nothing. The institute of marriage has become the most attacked by the enemy. Your spouse is not your enemy. Put in your efforts to fighting the enemy out of your marriage. Let the wise Word God of guide you.

Note, choose your battles. Not every mole is worth making a mountain of.

Forget every issue, forgive every hurt and love like you’ve never loved before. 😉
More Conflict management: In marriage

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