Supporting your Husband to be the Best he can be

The grass really isn’t always greener on the other side. If it appears so, you should consider how really green it would be if you were the one tendering it. There’s no need wondering that far. Just take a look at your side of the grass and you’ll find your answer. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. If it were so, it won’t still be as attractive as it is seemingly tempting. … More Supporting your Husband to be the Best he can be

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Citing irreconcilable differences

Some people claim that irreconcilable differences is a no-fault grounds for divorce, which means neither party committed any sort of extenuating act, such as adultery, abandonment or extreme cruelty. In other words, no-fault divorce is just like it sounds – no single party is at fault for the break of the marriage. Even Wikipedia states that ‘in the United States, this is one of several possible grounds’. Once again I wonder, when did this become a confident excuse for divorce in Nigeria? … More Citing irreconcilable differences

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What are we teaching our sons?

It’s more convenient to pass buck when it comes to taking responsibility but consequences always remain unto whom it will affect. There is a lot of craze about teaching our daughters basically to be the perfect wives. Our African mothers put a lot of pressure on daughters only because they feel girls need a stamp of approval to be accepted in the society. The empowerment for the girl child is another topic on its own but for now, it has become imperative to draw our consciousness to the boy child. What are we teaching our sons? … More What are we teaching our sons?

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Reblog: What to do when you’re thinking of ending your marriage

If you’ve found yourself straddling the fence and it feels like your only two options are to stay in an unsatisfying relationship or get divorced, it’s a tough place to be. It’s also a critical time where your immediate actions can make a big difference to the outcome of your marriage. Hopefully, the third option is to improve your marriage and enjoy your relationship once again. … More Reblog: What to do when you’re thinking of ending your marriage

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Is there really a need for relationship counselling?

Unlike Maths and English or other any subject which comes with textbooks and manuals for study and understanding, relationships don’t come with manuals. Be it relationship with children, parents, colleagues, spouses and any other type of interactive relationship we find ourselves in. However, you may find a lot of texts giving their opinion on how to better maintain relationships but really, what works for someone might not work for another. It’s not in the method of execution, it’s the human factor which is very unpredictable. And that is what you need to put into consideration the most – the person whom you are in a relationship with. You need to study them, understand what makes them happy, understand what ticks them off, and understand how they want to be appreciated and all of that. Once you have the understanding of your target in mind, that’s about half of your relationship success story.

If this be the case, is there need for relationship counselling then? If people can just study each other and consciously work towards a great relationship, why do we need to subject ourselves to counselling? … More Is there really a need for relationship counselling?

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The Pusher

It’s generally advised that women should marry men who love more than they do and I heard it again today. “When you marry someone who loves you more, he’s able to carry on your relationship when every other thing seem to weigh you down”. Children, career, chores, family and every other thing that will demand attention and can be overwhelming. Women, generally, have the tendency to snap if not properly managed and this is when it is most appreciated when you have a man who loves you enough to be patient with you, a man who will not criticize you, a man who will appreciate your efforts, a man who wants to relieve you as much as possible so that he can enjoy the best of you. This will only happen if you marry a man who loves more in the relationship.

So what happens when a woman loves more?

I suppose women have the capacity to love more naturally. They care more, pamper, give attention and love naturally. No wonder women are often The Pusher in a marriage.

Who is a pusher and what is the role of a pusher in a relationship? My definition – A pusher is the one who is determined to sustain a relationship or marriage. It is the person who gives more, communicates more, makes more effort, holds up more, forgives more, loves more, and endures more. … More The Pusher

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Is it more morally acceptable to walk out of a failed marriage than to cheat on your partner?

Ok so this is a debate I was trying rationalize in my head until I thought why not throw it open to you guys and have some mature and moral opinion on this subject. I would, therefore, appreciate that you drop a comment or opinion after you read this. I will try to make it brief so you can get by your business for the day.

From the inception of the humanity, God created woman for man and man to fulfil responsibility toward his woman but having seen how insatiable people are, God became lenient on us when He commanded through Moses that if we can’t be faithful or are insatiable for any reason (of course, first for infidelity), the man may give his wife a certificate of divorce and they may both go their separate ways. But when Jesus was asked by the Pharisee priests, to be tested, He told them it was because of the nature of man that God had bended that rule – for our benefit.

These days, a lot of people want to eat their cake and have it. It tends to be sweeter that way. They want to be married, whether happy or not. They want to have children, God forbid their marriage isn’t working out, they then blame it on the children, chanting that if it weren’t for the children, they would have left their marriage. They want that security that marriage provides regardless of whether it’s working or not. So for every reason they can find, they stay and forge ahead. However, for those who for one reason or the other are not happy or satisfied in their marriages, they feel they can cheat on their partners and get the attention, love or whatever it is they are looking for elsewhere while they keep sanity and maintain a comfortable distance at home. No one knows, no harm is done.

But we are all adults in marriage, right? Why do we find it easier to cheat in a failed/failing marriage than work on our marriages? Or worse still, why do we find it easier to cheat on our partners than to just sit and have a mature adult conversation and just say, ‘you know what, I loved you once but we’ve grown apart and I realized we now want different things. Therefore, we’re not/we won’t work anymore’ and just move on rather than cause everyone more harm, because that’s the situation in reality, than pretend to be patching things up?

I want to know. If you prefer to stay anonymous while you comment, please feel free but I’d love to read from you. Perhaps, we can all find the bravery to face the situations as they are.
More Is it more morally acceptable to walk out of a failed marriage than to cheat on your partner?

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My love for writing

Just like air is to life and life is to living, that is what writing is to me

Filling the pages of my life, giving me some form of direction and reflection.

When I have a thought in my head, which I usually always do,

I think of penning it down

Some more worthy of posting than others

Helping to teach, enlighten and pass a message across

First, to myself then others

Even from young, I had always been obsessed with enlightening the youths

Nigeria needs more enlightened and intelligent youths
More My love for writing

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Parenting: When does it stop?

Growing up, I had my fair share of reservations about my parents. I thought my mom was too strict, wicked really and I thought my dad was well, too mechanical. He showed no emotion toward anyone, not even my mom. I thought of running away from home so many times, if only I could really do that. I was too scared wondering where I would go and what I would do for survival. When I realized I would at least have to wait till I was eighteen years old to be rid of them, I began to look forward to going to university. But then, I never was able to escape their daunting responsibility toward me. Then I wanted to be married; perhaps it will free me of their rule, I thought. I would be free to speak, free to move as I pleased, free to progress at my own pace and not be afraid to make mistakes, free to be myself. Or so I thought. I only realized on my wedding day that I had actually grown to love my parents just the way they are. They are perfect for me because I am of the same stuff as they are and I was sure I could never love anyone as much as I love them.
Years later, after the wedding, after the children, I wish I still have my parents with me; telling me what to do so I wouldn’t make mistakes, teaching me how to speak so I won’t regret my words, taking full responsibility for my wellbeing and, making sure I stay happy and fulfilled always.
I realize now that whatever is destined for perfection will have to undergo rough times. My dad told me that it is necessary for iron to go through the hot furnace to become more useful. Those times I wished my dad would die and not return home or when I wished my mom could just love me; those days are long gone but not forgotten. I appreciate my parents now. I don’t want to imagine life without my dad. God forbid. I don’t want to imagine how the rest of my life will play out if I lose my mom now. My parents have become my bedrock of hope.
Now I am a parent, I adore my children yet I yell at them, I beat them, I punish them. It’s all part of a bigger picture to correct them and mold them into better people for themselves and the community. I hope they will thank me for this kind of strange love. More importantly, I will never leave them completely all the days of their lives as long as I am alive to any impending danger or anything that may cause deterioration to them in any way. I love my children and I will fight to keep them at arm’s length from harm.
Or am I being paranoid? When exactly is a parent to give up love, protection and prayers on their children, bearing in mind those years of struggling to pay school fees, struggling to put a meal on the table, crying and staying up all night when they were ill and the list goes on?
More Parenting: When does it stop?

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