Where do I go from here?


Cross roads, decisions, choices – sometimes these are not options for us. Life may be full of choices but at the same time, when life choose to happen, that’s exactly what it does – it just happens and without consent from us. Resilience is the key to survival and our reactions say a lot about who we are.

Where do I go from here?

It’s easy and almost excusable to play the victim when life’s circumstances throws us to our knees. And yes, why shouldn’t you play the victim? You want to tell your story. You want people to know what you’ve been through. You want to be pitied for what you’ve been through. Heck, it’s what has made you who or how you are and turned you how you are today. So yes, you have been the victim but does it benefit your healing process to play the victim?

Shola went for an intern program at her Uncle’s company before she gets into Law School. Her mother raised her alone and hoped she would make her proud. One lonely cold night, Uncle Bayo took a look at Shola and realized she’s rounder now than the little girl he knew ages ago. He closes in on her. Despite her resistance, he has his way with her. She couldn’t tell her mother; she would be broken. Shola quickly develops urges for rough dominating sex. She found that quickly in Sugar Daddies. Too many abortions, she’s lost count until she tested HIV positive.

Titi was a tiny and timid 8 year old. Her parents were more interested in their fights and domestic issues that they forgot to give parental attention to her. Brother Kamil, the nosy neighbor, pretended he would love and care for Titi until she found herself been played with in ways that appeared strange and painful. She could not share her growing fright with anyone. Titi grows up to hate men, detest marriage and gets very defensive. A few female friends have shown her love sometime in Uni, giving her attention and care and she decides being with the same sex is far less dramatic. Before she knew it, she’s entering into cult societies where ladies make things happen but all she ever wanted was to be loved.

Where do I go from here?

Life happens and as much as we don’t see the way round it, decisions and choices are always available. Shola could have chosen to retrace her steps and re-align with morals. Titi could have looked within and renewed her mind. Hard as these decisions are and believe me it is easier said than done but it is doable. Roads often leads us many routes, knowing when to alight, where to take a bend, when to turn back and when to go all the way is something no one will tell you but your ends will justify your decisions.

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