Growing up, I never had the opportunity of having “the talk”, not from my parents. The closest I had was in secondary school when my English Teacher said to me, “when boys tell you you’re beautiful, tell them ‘thank you, I know’”. Does that even count for a sex talk? But I understood that she was warning me about closeness with boys.
Is it necessary for couples or intending couples to have “the talk”? In most cases, adults just go with the flow, shying away from addressing a lot of topics even when they begin to affect their relationship in some ways. No one just really wants to talk about the ‘not-so-good’ things that may be affecting intimacy in the relationship. Everyone just somehow wants to be fine with where the relationship is.
There are so many reasons why good communication is paramount to a good relationship, yet communicating effectively around sex and intimacy often feels stilted or difficult, even in a long-term relationship. Intimate relationships are expected to be that way, intimate. If in a supposed intimate relationship, couples find it difficult to talk about sex or express themselves somewhat easily, then what else are they not saying to each other? Certain things should to be discussed because in all, when you eventually come together, almost all tension is diffused and expectations are clearly understood.
Here are some ways couples should handle discussions around sex and intimacy in their relationships.
To your own self be true
Giving your body is the most precious gift you can give to someone. Sex should not be used as a tool to control or manipulate someone, but as a physical expression of the love and desire you feel for each other.
No matter how eager your partner is to get physical, it’s important that you only do so when you are totally ready. Anyone who respects you, will respect your feelings and will be happy to wait.
Most people don’t have sex on a first date but it’s more common on a second or third. If there’s a strong physical attraction, it is understandable, but there are merits to holding back on the physical side of the relationship. Sexual intimacy exposes you at your most vulnerable. If this is a relationship you’re serious about, then taking the time to form a strong emotional connection, with a sense of safety and security, will lay better foundations for something lasting.
Some people are at the other end of the spectrum and want to wait until after they’re married before they have sex. Whatever your views and preferences are important to be able to have a frank and open discussion with your partner. If you don’t feel you trust them well enough to have an intimate conversation, then it’s probably too soon to have sex.
Sex and intimacy
Love knows no age limits and many people find love later in life. Sometimes age or health can limit the sexual activity you can engage in but there’s no reason why you can’t still have a deeply fulfilling relationship.
If there are limitations on the sexual activity you can participate in, it’s doubly important that you develop a strong emotional connection before you have an open discussion about sex. There are many ways to be intimate and affectionate with each other, and the important thing is that you’re both able to get physical pleasure and satisfaction within the relationship – how that’s achieved is up to you to decide as a couple.
Otherwise, if we choose to go into a blind relationship, you can only have yourself to blame hoping endlessly.
So get talking!