You can fall in love with just about anyone, most likely the wrong people too. When it comes down to making it work with the right person, I have no real idea about what makes a relationship actually work. So how can you tell if you’re in the right one?
Perhaps these few questions may be helpful to determine if the person you’re in love with is actually right for you.
Are you happy with “who and how” you are with this person and your relationship?
If you’re changing for the worse in your relationship, then it’s probably not right for you. Too often the desire to stay with someone can prompt you to do things that don’t make you proud.
For example, if you start drinking too much to keep up with your partner, or if you’re a social person who finds yourself now never seeing your friends, it might be time to ask yourself if you’re losing yourself in your relationship.
Are you with your partner for their potential or for who they actually are?
You can’t ask your partner to change who they are, but it is tolerable to ask for behavior modification. You need to be able to distinguish between the fantasy of who you want your partner to be and the reality of who they actually are.
It is important that you don’t date someone who is incompatible with you. If you know you want children but your partner doesn’t, don’t go into the relationship expecting things will change. If you want accumulation of wealth and your partner is the type that’s just fine with now, you might be setting yourself up for a storm ahead. Often, people won’t change and you’re just wasting each other’s valuable time.
Are you trying to make up for your past?
Just because one person didn’t work in the past, doesn’t mean that you need to start dating entirely different kinds of people. Are you actually into your current partner, or are you just trying to make up for bad decisions you think you made in the past?
For example, you might assume that because you chose a partner whose sense of command ended up commanding and demanding things of you, that you should then choose a milder person. And there’s nothing wrong with even-tempered people. But sometimes, these easy-going people are only like that when the ‘going is good.’ If a crisis or major decision occurs, they collapse.
The grass isn’t always greener, so treat every relationship individually to decide if it’s right for you.
Do you roll your eyes at one another?
This leaves a bad feeling as much as it is a very bad sign. Subtle things like sarcasm, mockery, and eye-rolling convey contempt in a relationship, and research shows contempt is the most toxic relationship behavior because contempt conveys disgust.
There’s no real recovery from your partner being disgusted by you. So if almost every conversation or communication is conveying disgust and disrespect or the joking is going a step too far, it’s probably time to re-evaluate your relationship.
Have you stuck by your partner’s side in good times and bad times?
It’s not enough to just get along when things are good. You also have to make sure you’re on the same team when things get hard. People react to success, failure, and challenges differently. The person who was down on their luck might grab a gentle soul but when success finally comes, the person no longer needs such comforting arms, and then seeks someone with cash, success, and connections as complimentary to their new status.
Be with one another long enough to share life experiences together and see how you deal with them as a team. This is a good indicator for whether or not the person you’re in love with is actually right for you.
When you fell for this person, what was happening in your life?
Did you feel pressured to settle down with a partner, or is this someone you actually want to be with? Take an assessment of situation that surrounded you at the time you felt compelled you were in love in the first place. Did you have a loss? Are you getting older and lonelier? Are you the only sibling or cousin not married or at least ‘with’ someone? Divorce, death of a parent, aging, and other losses can propel people to mate with the next available person, whether wrong or right for you.
What do your doubts and worst moments look like?
If you would still be comfortable if your worst moments were made public, then your relationship is probably a good one. All couples fight anyway, and relationships are work in progress, but if you and your partner fight dirty, that’s not going to make for a successful relationship in the long haul. Make sure you’re just as proud and confident in your good moments as you are in your bad ones.
So when it comes to figuring out if your partner is right for you or if you’re in love with the right person, maybe you should ask yourself these questions. Perhaps, by the end of an honest session with yourself, you’d have figured it out. The ball is then in your court. You deserve to be truly happy.