Who will address the ill that has found its’ way into the family?


One woman complains. Another woman is bitter. One woman is dying under too much pressure. Another woman has ceased to even exist. And it’s all because of the ill that has found its’ way into the family.

The “Proverbs 31 Woman” supported and teaches women to support their husbands. Support, you can define in various ways but the ideal by definition of the Proverbs 31 woman is supporting financially, emotionally, materially and even in wisdom, knowledge and understanding. But men, these days, only recognize and appreciate the woman who supports financially; all other means of support is not recognized. Most women wouldn’t mind to support but with the increasing laxity in men, how and when do you draw the line between being a supportive woman and being an enabler?

Some stories I’ve heard this week has shocked me to my very bone and the truth is, no one is really addressing these issues head on – practically. The African society makes it impossible to speak out as a woman and expect to get helpful responses to deal with these issues with useful advice. The Church makes it even worse for these things to be mentioned amongst us. But have we stopped to realize that in reality, most of us are not as spiritual as we want the society to believe we are? And men take advantage of this, knowing the society can only encourage or lead the woman on to keep hoping, be prayerful and patient. Are we actually looking at the situation from the perspective that we are only encouraging the men to be lazier and less responsible for their actions? Who is going to address the men to get off their butts and be real men?

A woman said her husband’s business suffered loss for years and she had to bare all responsibilities for the family – everything. She was even giving her husband some pocket money for upkeep. She was being supportive. Until she found out, through her husband’s friend, that he was actually saving for a house he built for his girlfriend and a new car for her.

Another woman said she paid school fees for the children for years in the name of being understanding until her husband built another house in the name of strange woman, moved out of their home to marry the other woman.

A woman is bitter about taking full responsibility for a home just because her man can’t be there for the family. Yet he would rather be chasing the little house girl up and down the house.

Like seriously!

When people preach, we prefer to make references to women who leave their husbands for this or that frivolous reasons. Why are we not addressing some salient issues that make good women turn bad if we really want to change these generation of women? Because the truth is, pressure leads to so many things that can’t make a woman be the woman in the house. She’s been the man for so long anyway.

For the first time, I heard someone mention a few things why a man would rather be lazy than be responsible for his family and I wondered, what is the percentage of women who are bold to damn the consequences and treat their husbands’ irresponsibility as they ought to?

Woman, no one can love you better or more than you love yourself. To love yourself is to refuse to be used. You deserve to be appreciated and celebrated for the work, effort and value you bring to the table. If you’re not getting that, you definitely need to take the bull by the horn, not to damn the consequences but to lay it all out there and see if it was even worth it in the first place.




4 thoughts on “Who will address the ill that has found its’ way into the family?

  1. This is such an interesting window into African Christian family life. Many points are true for couples in America as well. I think here the brand of some Christianity has disempowered and infantilized both men and women which is sad because Christ’s ministry was about restoring power through love. An application worth trying in all our relationships. This part made me laugh:”A woman is bitter about taking full responsibility for a home just because her man can’t be there for the family. Yet he would rather be chasing the little house girl up and down the house.
    Like seriously!”-yes! Like seriously! Haha.

  2. On who’s side will I be? Like seriously!! I’ll take side with the women. Some men are deliberately insensitive to the significance of a woman’s heart and aftermath of an overweight burden that emanates from unconscious and sometimes conscious neglect over time. Presently I’m conducting a research on why most women are being tested positive to some viral diseases and some tagged wayward that most times led to broken home, I’ve come to realize that men are the main cause, all in the might of over pampering of ego, myth, belief and religion. Women are being subjected to emotional slavery, wreck and some remain traumatized all in the bid to uphold the home, all in the bid to demonstrate virtue of a real woman for the sake of the kids, but for how long will a wrecked ship remain afloat. Everyman wants a woman that can support the home financially, I reiterate, financially just for them to pursue their uncontrollable lustful with what should be channelled towards building a better home. Although none of us may be a saint but the excesses is what collapse self esteem and lost integrity. Madam, continue….. God dey your back, truth need be told sometimes anyway.

    1. Thank you Desmond. It is always a delight reading your comments. This question particularly jumped at me – “but for how long will a wrecked ship remain afloat?”

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