Making your marriage work

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We hold on to so many things that cause a great deal of stress and frustration in our relationships, and instead of letting them all go and allowing our relationships to flourish and blossom, we cling on to them. But if you want to live the kind of relationship you’ve always fantasized, you need to give up on all those things that no longer serve you, and embrace change. Here are a few of those things you need to give up:

  1. Give up your unrealistic expectations

Give up all your unrealistic expectation about marriage being this beautiful box full of all the things you have always longed for and see marriage for what it truly is – an empty box where you and your partner must put all the things you want to take out. Accept that if you want to have love in your marriage, you have to put it there. If you want to have happiness, passion, intimacy, companionship, trust in your marriage, you have to put it there. Relationships take work, a lot of work and if you want to live a happy, beautiful and loving life next to your partner, you will both commit to making your marriage work.

  1. Give up control

People are made to be loved, not controlled. The more you try to control your partner, the more you will push him or her away from you and the less love there will be left between you two. Give up control and allow them to just be. Allow the person you love to be who they are and not who you want them to be.

  1. Give up criticism

Give up the need to criticize every little thing your partner does or doesn’t do and instead start appreciating those many things that made you fall in love with this person in the first place. Seek to praise not to criticize.

  1. Give up the need to fix your partner

Relationships aren’t about fixing one another, relationships are about loving, caring and supporting one another. Give up the need to fix your partner and work on growing, improving and evolving together instead.

  1. Give up your jealous behavior

A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of insecurity. Work on letting go of your insecurities and you will immediately understand the futility of a jealous behaviour.

  1. Give up on your fears

Give up the fear of falling out of love, the fear of having your present relationship become as toxic as the previous ones, the fear of losing your partner, and so on. Get out of your fearful head and into your loving heart. Give up on all your fears and love with all your heart.

  1. Give up the chase for perfection

Even before the actual issues in our relationships is the idea we have in our heads about how relationships should be and how our partners should behave. Comparing other people’s relationship too doesn’t help. Instead of savoring, loving and praising one another, nurturing the relationships we have, we waste our precious time and energy seeking perfection, in ourselves, in our partner. But there’s no such thing as perfect relationships simply because there’s no such thing as perfect people. Your marriage is and always will be a reflection of who you and your partner are – two perfectly imperfect people.

  1. Give up living your life according to the other person’s expectations

It’s true that relationships require compromise but when you compromise too often, living your life according to the other person’s expectations, you risk losing yourself and that’s how you start feeling bitter, depleted, frustrated and very unhappy. Don’t lose the “I” in playing the “We” game. Compromise when needed but not so much that you lose your sense of self. Balance is key.

  1. Give up your clingy behaviour

There’s nothing less attractive than a person who clings onto his/her partner expecting the other person to provide all their emotional, physical, and spiritual needs. Take the pressure off of your partner’s shoulders and put it on your shoulders instead. Seek to become the provider of your own their emotional, physical, and spiritual needs. Be the source of your own happiness.

  1. Give up asking for more than you give

Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. If you enter a relationship expecting to get a lot more than you give, chances are that you will have many marriage regrets. The only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. Give more, ask less.

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It’s very important to understand that some people, no matter how much they love one another and want to make their marriage work, they might not be able to do so simply because they both learned from circumstances and life pulls them in different directions. This is why it is very important to listen to your heart and intuition and make sure that you don’t stay in a relationship that makes you feel dead on the inside simply because that’s what society and everyone around you expect you to do. Your peace of mind, health, happiness, and well-being are more important than anything else. So stay happy!

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