I once spent too long casually dating someone I didn’t fancy in the relationship kind of way. At first, it was casual, nothing serious intended till he told me he wanted a relationship. For some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to fit into being his girlfriend until naturally, distance separated us. When the next guy I dated asked me, “What are you looking for in a relationship? Because I’m looking for something serious.” I clammed up again but this time I said, “I don’t know.” It’s hard to say you want a relationship.
Such is the hypocrisy of my life really and it was all because I was unable to assert myself for a really long time. I tend to want to be what other people wanted me to be. It’s become more normal for strangers meeting via a dating app algorithm to ask each other, “What are you looking for?” before ever meeting. With the advent of dating app, it’s become more important not to leave anything to chance. All questions and assumptions can easily be cleared before meeting and you have nothing to lose.
But really, what are those things to look out for when going on a dating app? What are all of the options when it comes to answering the question? What is a preferred answer that won’t chase your potential love away? But really, the good news is that replying to this question is actually not all that complicated. Here’s how to do it.
Really decide what you’re looking for
It’s important to figure out what you’re looking for in a relationship. No matter how silly or serious you think your expectations are, you need to be able to come to terms with them first. You need to own whatever reason you want to be in a relationship too. Are you searching for an actual partner or someone to pass time with? Admit it to yourself and go for it. And if you’re not entirely sure yet, but you want to take things slowly, state that too.
If you’re not sure, state it honestly
On dating apps, the question “What are you looking for?” may either mean one of two things: either this match is about to tell me he’s exclusively looking for sexual intimacy, nothing more, or that he is looking to get into a full-feelings relationship. Either way, this match has a certain thing they are looking for. If you don’t have any idea what you want with this specific person because you don’t even know if they’ll end up being your type on a physical close up, it’s ok to say “I don’t know.”
And if you want a relationship, say so
Because every time you pretend your feelings aren’t involved, you’ll end up wasting a lot of time. When you pretend to be cool with binge dating where feelings hover in the air but are never fully involved, you will end up heartbroken and alone eventually because no one will be able to tell what you want or what you’re about. If you’re messaging a cutie on the apps and they ask you, “What are you looking for?” you can be honest about your desire to find a real relationship, without scaring anyone away.
Eventually, the key advantage to checking out potential relationships on dating apps is to be yourself and hope that someone finds you just as you are. No need for dramas, lies and falsehood if you really want something fulfilling for whatever reason you’re going on there. If you do have a particular idea of what you want in mind, be clear about it. If you’re not sure, it’s ok to go with the flow and hope you figure out yourself soon enough before you get lost in the dating world.