Most women like to engage their partners in healthy conversations, mostly in the bid to preserve the relationship and help their partners better understand them or manage their expectations in the relationship. It is also true that women at certain age are not easily endured by physical appearances but largely dependent on a man who is willing to listen to her, give room for her excesses and help proffer solutions were necessary. It just says to a woman that the man really cares about her if he’s willing to talk things out or through with her.
We can’t over-emphasize the relevance of communication in a relationship but most men would rather not address situations and issues. This may be because they have been raised to believe that men are supposed to be tough and handle their business. Don’t get me wrong, women like tough men who are capable of handling their businesses but at the end of the day, we’re all humans. And all humans are subjective at one point or the other. What we choose to let affect us or when we are less guarded are those times we are most vulnerable. Now, vulnerability is not something men want to acknowledge or dwell in for too long, if at all. A little bird told me that for a man to be vulnerable is for him to give someone else, as in the case of a relationship, the power to see him as he truly is; giving someone else the power to hurt him and influence him. Most men find this a bit too much to handle because they want to maintain their respect and ego, building a defense around them. So they would rather not talk about issues. But not communicating in a relationship breeds conflict.
One way of coping with conflict is to sweep things under the carpet which basically means “To conceal a problem expediently, rather than remedy it thoroughly.” Sometimes the tendency to sweep things under the rug comes with the hope that what is concealed will remain undiscovered. Maybe we also do this because the truth is too painful to bear, or we fear the other person’s reaction and the consequences, or we hope things can be resolved without raising the issue.
So to find a man who’s willing to share, communicate and engage is to have a rear gift in a man. Men don’t want their weaknesses and issues mirrored in their faces so they would rather keep up the façade of what their marriages or relationships are as it is in their heads, tampering with nothing, giving everyone else but their partner the satisfaction of their true selves. Who’s hurting who at the end of the day?
So here’s my question – would you rather deal with the issues, talk about them, get help where/if necessary for the benefit of the long term peace and happiness of your relationship? Or would you sweep them under the carpet for as long as you can, hoping that the dirt won’t seep out any day soon?
But if you are sweeping things under the rug in your relationship, here are some evaluations to explore:
- What is the specific situation in which you are sweeping things under the carpet?
- Why are you sweeping it under the carpet?
- What is your biggest concern regarding your reasons?
- What does the carpet represent?
- What is there to be gained by sweeping the thing(s) you identified under the carpet?
- What is there to be lost or gained by sweeping it under the carpet?
- What is the likelihood of the things you are sweeping under the carpet to reveal themselves in any case?
- What would it take for you to face and manage the situation?
- What is the best case or worst case scenario if you do not sweep things under the carpet?