Managing Love’s Expectations


“Expectation is the root of all heartache.”

In relationships, they say the key to ‘not being disappointed’ is not to be expectant. It’s even said to those planning to be married; lower your expectations, there’s no perfect man or woman; we are all made perfect in our imperfections. But how will we be if we were to live a life without expectations only because we don’t want to be disappointed? In relationships, we take risks. A wise risk would be to marry for love. Expectations in this kind of situations would be requited love. While a foolish risk would be to marry for money. Expectations in this case are mostly high, based on materials and tangibles which don’t always have a home.

The problem with expectations is that they’re just like an opinion. Everyone has one and they don’t always match up to the other person’s thoughts. This is the main cause of conflicts and issues in a relationship.

Fortunately, there is a solution! When our focus is on our differences in expectations, rather than our appreciation for the things the other person does right, conflict is always inevitable. The way any two people decide to show love, for instance, will probably differ but does that make one of the ways wrong? Expectations with no appreciation leads to nagging, which leads to frustration.

It’s often said, “we argue about the smallest things.” Are the things we bicker about really worth the emotional turmoil? Probably not. It’s advisable to show appreciation for the things we like in the other person. It will take us much further in a relationship.

For the protection of your emotions, it is advisable to change your perception from what you hoped would happen to being open to experience whatever actually happens. Here are some of the ways your expectations can be better appreciated in your relationship.

Be aware of reality.

Acknowledge the other person’s behaviours. Study patterns and be more aware. It’ll help manage situations better.

Stop manipulating situations.

Many times we yearn for specific responses, like validation and approval. When we do not receive what we want, we may speak or behave in certain ways to try to elicit the desired reaction. This type of behavior leaves us feeling empty when the other person does not react the way we hope they would. Remember, influencing someone else isn’t always in your control.

Let go.

Throw expectations and assumptions out the door. Release the hopes, wishes, and dreams that things will change by detaching from the ideas. Get out of the fantasy world by not hooking into the thoughts of what could be. Keep your mind from running into the future. Remain open to all possibilities by staying in the present moment.

Love yourself.

Realize each moment you are being the best you at that time. Build self-confidence and strive to eliminate any doubts you have about yourself. Let go of your expectations of people and see how your relationships change.

Leave your relationship room to grow.

The best relationships happen organically, not in building up huge expectations. Remember this the next time you meet someone new that gets you excited for the future, and try not to fantasize about your new relationship before it has room to grow on its own.

Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

“Do unto others as you would have them do to you.” It’s a phrase we hear often, but don’t always follow. When it comes to relationship expectations, how can you assume your partner will uphold every expectation you set for them if you don’t follow their expectations as well? If you expect your partner to treat you with love, kindness and care at all times, then you must do the same for them. Teach your partner how to treat you by showing them the respect and attention that you would want as well.

Communicate your expectations.

Whether or not your desires will be met is highly dependent on your communication lifestyle with your partner. However, you need to give room for your partner to alter or edit your expectations in the best way they can either interpret it or they best way that will work for them in sustaining your relationship. As long as you know they have the relationship’s best interest at heart, you need to give them room to be themselves around you.

“Turn your expectations into appreciation and your whole life will change.” – Tony Robbins


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