Don’t plan a wedding, Plan a marriage


It’s a new week but I want to imagine love is still in the way. With Serena Williams and Alexis Ohanian’s wedding last week Thursday to Banky W and Adesuwa Etomi’s wedding on Sunday, I enjoyed every bit of it from Instagram like many others. Smiles. I guess it just goes to show, for those still expecting that wedding miracle that it isn’t over for the year. After all, it is the season of wedding bells. I hope yours’ will be one of those we’ll hear before 2017 is done.

But speaking of weddings, we tend to get carried away with that one day event most times as opposed to putting preparations and plans unto the forever after. Don’t get me wrong – I love weddings. I’ve loved weddings since I was my Dad’s date to a wedding ceremony sometime in 1996. I thought the bride looked like an angel and the happiest woman I ever saw and secretly I prayed the couple will remain happy forever.

My problem, though, is with the loss of realism in this extravagance-packed process. Most couples, women especially, tend to go full-throttle on the ‘magical high’ of the celebration of their union without much thought about what lies beyond the altar. Women have always wanted to be a bride, they have longed to call their boyfriend ‘husband,’ and dance that ‘first dance’ as husband and wife. They will stop at nothing to getting that dream wedding. Nothing will get in the way of their ‘happiness’. But, does being in love mean they were ready for being married?

Marriage is not the same thing as a wedding. It isn’t wise to rush to the altar because he popped the big question by going down on one knee, and that’s if you’re lucky to get the sincerely romantic type in this parts and it’s not just for the cameras or to upload on social media. Or the urge to become a bride is more overwhelming than actually processing the marriage itself. Unlike weddings and perhaps the honeymoons too, marriage isn’t about flowers, gorgeous gowns, expensive entrées, and fancy presents or even the night of nine times and sipping Pina Colada on beaches at sunset. Marriage is hard work – real, hands-in-the-dirt kinda work.

Life takes its toll on everything and relationships and marriages are no different. Think of it – what would you do when you find yourself in uncharted waters? What would you do when huge, glaring, and unexpected differences stare you in the face? What will happen when you are shocked by a behavior you never saw coming? How would you deal with the ‘change’ that seems to be seeping into your relationship, one layer at a time? Our bonds have a way of coming into a life of their own – for better or for worse.

The intention is not to scare anyone but my passion is to enlighten everyone on relationships and lifestyle to the point where you are well informed to make better decisions. However, don’t get it twisted, marriage can still be one of the most beautiful and fulfilling things ever. I know I have attested to the ‘greys’ that cloud the loves-cape in a marriage, but there are plenty of rainbows too. And this is why you have to hold each other’s hands whilst life deals those punches, roll with them, and weather all storms. Clear skies will follow.

Just be ready, full ready for every bit. Talk to yourself first when there seem to be issues. Deal with the issues internally before starting something you won’t be able to control. Your spouse is not to be God in all capacities of your life. Don’t throw God away just because you think you have arrived at your final destination. The journey only just started. And above all, remember not to forget yourself in all the goings on.

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