‘Should I love or should I leave?’

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Sometimes no matter how hard partners try to salvage a crumbling relationship, it still falls apart. Good and sincere partners who have lost each other, due to irreconcilable differences, often feel terrible about hurting each other and guilty at the thought of failing to uphold the relationship. However, there is nothing they can do to sustain their bond, especially when all limits have been stretched. Yet it is important for two well-intentioned and caring people who have done all they could to save their sinking ship not to throw it all to the winds all too suddenly. And there is also the realization that it’s not about blames or shame or indifference or even failure to try again or start over. However, for most couples, this realization seeps in a bit too late.

The ‘Should I stay or should I go?’ ‘Should I love or should I leave?’ questions become too hard to answer. In the process, they end up holding on for far longer than they should. But braving something that is consistently hurting us and destroying our potential to be happy is not only unhealthy but self-destructive.

So how do you know if you’re holding on to a relationship that is toxic? How do you take that final call? How do you know when it’s time to let go?

  1. When you find yourself dwelling in ‘memories’ instead of the present:If all that keeps you in the relationship are happy memories of bygone times, it is time you take a hard look at the present.


  1. When the current situation causes you more hurt than happiness:If you find yourself growing increasingly resentful of your current situation, it may be time to get up and read the writing on the wall.


  1. When you are insanely rooting for change:Change is the only constant thing anyway but we don’t go into a relationship with ‘change’ as a future option. So if you find yourself constantly expecting, hoping, and pleading for some kind of change that may improve the situation, a bright red flag is already staring you in the face.


  1. When you start to get complacent:Withdrawal or resentment are sure signs of a relationship that is heading downhill.


  1. When the pattern persists even after trying to fix it:If mature discussions, efforts or attempts to bring back the happy elements that once existed in the relationship have failed, it might be time to let go.


  1. When you feel all alone in the relationship:The most blatant red flag of them all.


  1. When tears keep you company and smiles are infrequent visitors:Love does not make you cry more than you laugh. Period.


  1. When you no longer identify yourself:If recognizing yourself has become difficult, it will only get worse. A healthy relationship does not take you away from your true self, but instead embraces you for who you are.


  1. When you have to force a smile, even when it’s ripping your heart off:Having to wear a mask and continue the charade is a highly ungratifying and unwelcome prospect for fifty years of life, isn’t it?


  1. When your subconscious knows you are holding on to something that isn’t meant to be. Enough said.


However difficult your decision may seem, trust yourself and believe in the expansive opportunity that life and love has to offer. Don’t shut it all out too, you never know when happiness might come knocking.


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