Relationships are always nice and dandy, whether it’s parent and children, husband and wife, colleagues, friends, siblings or whatever ties you have with someone until we begin to let certain things into the mix. Sometimes we get too confident in our relationships to the extent that we take it for granted. While the level of familiarity per relationship defers, it’s wise to be mindful that every form of relationship requires respect and some degree of space to sustain it.
There are other things to avoid in relationships, as well, that help keep your relationship intact for the long run.
- Borrowing Money
Money, itself, is a very strong element in building and sustaining relationships. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be a major cause of rivalry. Some people have argued that it is unsafe/unwise to lend or borrow money in a man and woman intimate relationship because it becomes an issue or debate whether or not to return the money when the time comes to do so. A man says “why should I return the money I lent my wife to start her business when we both ought to own share family responsibilities?” A woman says “Why do I need to return the money I lent from my husband when he sleeps with me regularly and I take care of his kids without pay?” A lady in courtship says “My boyfriend lent money from me after he lost his job to marry me but bought a car instead and postponed the wedding”.
As trivial as these things may sound, it can become a major bone of contention in a relationship and you don’t know when to ask for the money back or if to ask for the money back because in the first place, all relationships ought not be founded for personal gains but rather to develop and encourage the assets and talent in the other person. Once this is breeched, every other thing (trust, honesty, loyalty) imaginably becomes absent.
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. This can only be true if two people who are emotionally attached to one another, though separated by time or place, are continuously in touch with each other by whatever means necessary. This is the only circumstance where their hearts can long to see each other again. Otherwise, there are couples under the same roof who have gone too far away from each other because of work, children, responsibilities and the likes. If they do not consciously work toward taking time out as a couple, the distance will eventually make them strangers to one another and if you want to build a relationship that you want to work for you for the long run, you need to avoid all appearances of distancing in that relationship.
- Lack of Communication
Communication itself, I’d say, is ambiguous. There are certain things you say with your words, the eyes, body language and even the things you don’t say sometimes can be held against you as some sort of communication or lack of communication. Sounds complicated? Especially if you’re dealing with a woman or women, it can be complicated but bottom line is, even if we can’t know the other person completely overnight, there are things we must have observed that they like to hear and in a particular way too. It doesn’t make you a master playboy or playgirl to be able to say certain things just the way your partner wants to hear it. It might just mean that you are sensitive toward their feelings sometimes. Of course, there’s not need to continuously say or do the things your partner wants to hear or will appreciate if you’re going to lose yourself in the midst of it. Sincerity, emotions, longing and understanding are some of the recipes to staying connected in your relationship. And if your partner is the type that appreciates quiet time, you might need to learn that language of communication too if that’s what you choose to sign up for. But either way, not communicating at all breeds distance, can breed misunderstanding and in some cases a disjointed or dysfunctional relationship.
- Removing Friendship/Intimacy
Some relationships are better sustained by friendship, others need romance. Both have love in common because you can’t be friends with someone you hate or have a romantic affair with someone you hate either. But when we love, most man and woman relationship end up in romantic affairs which may be because we feel the need to keep the other person in our lives. We fail to realize that relationships that are best at friendship will fail as a romantic one and the ones that are supposed to be romantic will fail as friendship. We need to understand what we are and the place we hold in the other person’s life. More importantly, most couples who started out as friends tend to throw that rear gift away when they become married and keep strictly to being husband and wife. Those who are able to sustain this balance between friendship and intimacy are the few ones who have their best friend in their spouse. Otherwise, we feel the need to be the perfect wife or husband and begin to put certain foot forward and keep the not-so-good foot back. In holding back all of you, you are denying both yourself and your partner the beauty of learning through your mistakes together, growing stronger together and eventually denying the sustainability of that relationship.
- Broadcasting your Business
Different strokes for different folks really. What works for Mrs. A might not work for Mrs. B. The way Mrs. A feels to react to certain issues does not generalize how all Mrs. should react to that particular or similar situations. In other words, we are all encouraged to deal and handle our relationships the way we dim fit. We won’t find the answers in someone else’s advice except of course, if it’s counselling. Growing together is key, learning together encourages an even stronger bond. But the more we spread our private business and expect strangers to know better than us to handle our closed door business is totally unfair to your partner and even the stranger too. In most cases, relationships often tend to be settled behind closed doors leaving strangers where they belong – outside your relationship.
All these advises are, of course, if you’re relationship means something to you and you want to keep it forever. Otherwise, avoid the things that bring conflict in as much as conflict itself is a normal phenomenon in our everyday life.
If you can think of any other things that breed conflict or things to avoid to sustain your relationship, please share.