Why men pull away

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The other day I put together some thoughts about why men fall in love, I got a few reactions, offline and online. I couldn’t have written a long epistle on that but I wanted to keep it simple. Why men fall in love and what keeps them in love are somewhat different from each other. A man can fall in love because his heart says it’s the best thing that’ll ever happen to him but his head will tell him otherwise if the woman turns out to be more than a hand full. In such cases, slowly but surely, the man will begin to pull away. It is also very important to note that when those who once loved us, as in you know in your heart it was true love they had towards you, begin to pull away, it’s not because they stopped loving us. People pull away because although they love you and all of your beautiful sides and not so beautiful sides, they love themselves more. And this is not in a selfish way – they just need to keep themselves in a way that they don’t lose themselves all because they fell in love. So for the purpose of this article and in light of the previous part, let’s examine some of the reasons why men pull away.

A nagging woman

No one wants to have a headache that won’t go away. It can be terribly crippling – when you can’t think or do anything else past that splitting discomfort. That’s how nagging is and women are almost genetically born to be good at this. Or maybe as a woman, you don’t even know you nag. A more subtle word would be complaint. Well, in this case anyone can complain but what’s the use of complaining endlessly about something when you can’t or you’ve refused to do something about it? It’s neither fun to complain nor good for your health. If you want something changed, either be the change agent or do something about it if you don’t want your man pulling away from you.

Not the right communication

What counts for communication for a woman is quite different from what a man appreciates as communication. A woman wants to talk about the littlest things – her new hairdo, her appearance, a change in wardrobe, her emotions, security, the future and stuff like that. For a man, communication can be as basic as sitting with him through a favourite soccer game or TV programme or giving a massage after a long day without engaging in words or initiating relaxing conversations away from the things that puts pressure on him or a beautiful sex, where you talk him through what makes you better for him in bed.

You’re Being Needy and He Feels Suffocated

A man doesn’t have to be dealing with personal issues to feel the need to retreat. Sometimes too much neediness from you is enough to cause him to back away. Neediness isn’t so much a set of behaviors as it is a state of mind. If a man feels like you need him in order to feel complete in your life, or that you need him to fill some sort of emotional void for you, he will instinctively be on a watch with you. This is a very important distinction that most women overlook. Men enjoy being in a relationship, especially when it’s with the right woman, but at the same time most men have a huge fear of losing their freedom and getting trapped in a situation with a woman who sucks them dry and leaves them feeling drained and uninspired. A man will feel free in a relationship when he’s with a woman who is whole and fulfilled in her life and doesn’t rely on the relationship to meet her every need.

You’ve made it too easy

You’ll never know when less is more or vice versa. And in being yourself, through previous relationships, it becomes more difficult to appreciate what keeps a man or what keeps them away. Some men crave that availability but others are too comfortable with it. The problem with women making themselves too “available” when a man is playing “too good for you” and the woman is pretending not to notice when he’s playing cold is you’ve made it clear you’re going to be sticking around no matter what. Don’t get it twisted, that’s not the definition of unconditional love. Love is respect and respect is reciprocal, remember? Unfortunately, this just makes him feel confident to continue in this behavior because he knows there won’t be consequences. You will be there when he wants, and he can ignore you when he doesn’t.

He is focusing on work

Work is demanding and so is a relationship.  It could be that his mind is so focused on his job and making a steady income, that he loses sight of your relationship.  Men feel a need to provide, which is a noble quality, but some get lost in the hustle and start spending more time at work, and less time with their woman. That’s not necessarily bad but if you can’t handle it as a woman, it becomes a reason for your relationship to begin to fall apart.

Relationships can be a roller coaster anyway, regardless of the love but if we’re all being true to ourselves and each other, every roller coaster situation isn’t supposed to pull us apart. It’s supposed to bring us stronger together. So once in a while, depending on the time and mood, don’t be afraid to address those situations. It’s toward building a healthy and lasting relationship anyways.

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