I don’t think we are actually sexually compatible

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We secretly believe that our relationships can be better or more exciting if only we are inquisitive to understand our own deepest desires and courageous to answer some of our most embarrassing questions. But these things aren’t as far-fetched as we deny ourselves of some simple truths.

Sexual compatibility can be a tricky subject to gauge, especially when you’re talking about your ability to be compatible in the long-term. It’s like deciding if you want to marry someone; all the signs could point to a great partnership but you never know what life is going to throw at you or when. Since it’s impossible to tell how constant or stable your sex life will be, I think it’s most important to look for certain stable pointers like –

  • Is there a constant spark between you no matter the circumstance?
  • Are you comfortable communicating your sexual needs/expectations?
  • Are you both committed to making a conscious effort?

Relationships are supposed to be a delicate balance of emotional and physical. Conversely, there are some people who have a great relationship but are left unsatisfied in the bedroom for a variety of reasons. Here’s how to tell if you’re one of the latter.

  1. Your sex is rarely spontaneous.
  2. You have absolutely zero sex positions that you both enjoy.
  3. You can never, ever get a rhythm going.
  4. One of you is constantly blanked from the moment.
  5. You tend to enjoy sex better with some form of mind distraction
  6. You really only ever have sex on holidays and birthdays.
  7. You’re never horny at the same time.
  8. Your libidos feel totally mismatched.

Whether you’re newly married or 10 years into marriage, sexual incompatibility can happen to anyone. So if you wondering, “Is it possible to prevent sexual incompatibility?” is “Yes,” it can be prevented or at least reduced by better preparation for marriage, but the answer is also, “No,” in that there will still be some degree of incompatibility once you put all the pieces of marriage together.

By all means discuss it ahead of time with a potential spouse if it’ll make you more comfortable. But once you get married, whatever the sexual situation is, that’s what you have to work with as well as you can. And of course, you might have to learn some things and change some things as well, whether it be your attitude, your responses, your level of patience and understanding, your thoughts and core beliefs, or your degree of faith, etc. Whatever the situation, you just have to work happily with it.

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