Grow to love you

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Ingredients of a successful marriage, I think, are maturity, understanding, loyalty, compatibility or some common interests, respect, friendship and love. We believe love precedes any relationship at all which is in fact the element that compels us strongly enough and convinces us of the right person for us. But in truth love is a feeling, like mood, it can swing if it’s not genuine. That’s where the other stable factors come into play to sustain the relationship, like friendship and maturity or loyalty and respect.

When you marry your friend, a lot of issues that would usually linger in relationships will not necessarily apply because you really want to get over the distractions and be back to being yourselves together as soon as possible. The grave fights that other couples face won’t apply because there’s understanding beneath that love fight or more longing and closeness after every fight. When there are common grounds of interests, the communication lines will always be open and your marriage won’t be a bore because you just look forward to the end of the day when you can be with your better half again.

A lot of people wait, often endlessly, for that right person or that special one created just for them. Just like a decision, who you finally marry is a choice you make guided by who you are first of all, your likes and dislikes, your ethics and beliefs, perhaps your fantasies and your emotions. If love is a feeling and feelings are moods, then would an arranged marriage be so grave? Except, of course, if it’s not an act of slave trade. Marriage based on mature understanding can be given a second thought. Take for instance, arranged marriages by parents, family or friends. In most cases, these people know us more objectively and can often tell what we can live with or not. But in most cases, arranged marriages are often seen as punishment.

But for the purpose of this article, I’ll stick to consented marriages in mutual understanding, maturity and respect. If this were to be the case, can’t the couple grow to love each other? After all, you can’t love someone you truly don’t know exceptionally and no one is expecting you to open your heart to someone in one fell swoop anyway. It’ll all be part of the memories you’ll grow to appreciate as you age together. A healthy happy marriage is something you create, it’s not based on an emotion that arises out of thin air. The real reasons to love someone unconditionally are the ones you discover over time. The more you love someone, the more attractive they become. When you assume that love is just a feeling that just happens, you are always at the whim of it, rather than consciously creating it in your life. To love really is an emotional capability, not a sexual capability.

Be objective about why you want to marry and don’t be in denial about it, at least not to yourself. It might also require you growing into it. Think about it.

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