With development, there has been a lot of new terms I didn’t know nor could conceive until when I was in my early twenties. Like I didn’t know that the way I felt after being in a car ride for hours with rumbling tummy and my head spinning is called “car-sick” or that it was okay for me to out rightly tell my parents I didn’t like something they bought me for fear of not getting anything from them after that. Fast forward to the last 90s when I heard of irreconcilable difference causing break ups in white people’s marriages. I didn’t even know that could be a cause for separation or divorce. How can two people who once were sure of each other now grow too different for some level of tolerance?
Well, as black people that we are in this part of the world, dating as far back as our parents, our mothers stuck a lot for the sake of the children, for fear of what society would say or for fear that their lives would suddenly be over if they ever left their marriage. Even as developed and social media savvy that we are in Nigeria, you’ll be amazed to find that the rate of women, learned women, who still stick a lot of crap in the name of marriage is now on the rise. Growing up, even our parents more or less brainwashed the girl’s mind that her being is to please her husband and serve her future family someday. Because of this, not much effort, motivation, or investment is put into the girl child.
On the contrary, socialites who have zero tolerance for such nonsense. There are newlyweds who can’t stand each other after a few days or months or have the confidence to call it off after the first few years of giving it a shot. Yes, giving it a shot is what marriage has now come to. We say in our vows every other Saturday as new couples tie the knot – to have and to hold, for better or worse – but do we really means these things? If we did, then marriage wouldn’t be giving it a shot. The most common causes of marriages are domestic violence, infidelity and as they say these days, ‘irreconcilable differences’.
Some people claim that irreconcilable differences is a no-fault grounds for divorce, which means neither party committed any sort of extenuating act, such as adultery, abandonment or extreme cruelty. In other words, no-fault divorce is just like it sounds – no single party is at fault for the break of the marriage. Even Wikipedia states that ‘in the United States, this is one of several possible grounds’. Once again I wonder, when did this become a confident excuse for divorce in Nigeria?
While I advocate love, respect and tolerance in marriage, I agree that there are certain things we need to stand up against so that they don’t keep recurring in our marriages to the point where we want divorce. My fear is when Nigerians copy, we go overboard. Let’s not begin to accept these ills like they are normal because before we realize that a lot is damaged, it would have been too late. The blessings and joys of marriage has not changed irrespective of the times – take note of that.