FAQs after saying ‘I do’

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It’s been a long weekend. To all you folks who got married this weekend, shout out to you. I wish you all the love in the world with tons of happiness and all round fruitfulness.

Yesterday, we examined some recurrent questions singles often asked before saying ‘I do’. Today, I feel compelled to also examine those frequent questions that newly married couples’ ask after they said ‘I do’. Understanding that there is no school for fundamental lifestyle such as marriage, third parties often give advice based on their own experiences but we must understand that no two marriages will ever be the same, not even if two twins were to marry each other’s twin. Just as our hearts beat differently, so does our situations and circumstances differ.

So you’ve dated this guy or girl for years since Uni or something and you’re just so sure you know each other too well. You get married and it all seems perfect. The honeymoon stage seem to be lasting forever until that day, one day when you when you begin to interrogate your mind about certain queries about your marriage. Some of which may be:

  1. How much of my family am I supposed to keep away just because I am married?

It’s often impossible to do away with our favorite sibling or mother only because we are now married and are expected to start a new life. So more often than not, especially in the African setting, we allow a cousin or sister or mother or a family member to stay with us as newlyweds. In most cases, even when they don’t mean harm, they often cause some sort of drift in those early years of marriage than we are ready to admit. It is therefore advisable for newlyweds to enjoy each other’s company well enough before bringing in the helps and extended family members, if it’s not totally avoidable.

  1. Do we really have to keep the romance under wraps?

At some point in the marriage, either when the honeymoon is over or when we get to experience the full pleasure of being with that special person or when the babies start coming, either party may begin to feel the romance they started with shouldn’t always have to burn so passionately anymore. If either of the party begins to feel this way and the other person wants differently, it just might be the beginning of issues brewing. So really does the romance have to die without having an effect on the marriage?

  1. Why does marriage have to be so much hard work?

It’s often said that marriage is so much hard work but really if when we dated so freely in love, we didn’t have to walk on eggshells around each other, why does it have to be so complicated now just because we’re now legally bound to one another? Isn’t that what we’ve always wanted?

  1. How much of my individuality am I allowed to keep in marriage?

Especially in parenting or financial situations, there is need to agree on certain things for the peace and progress of the marriage. However, coming from different backgrounds and beliefs won’t just go away because we are now married. So how much of a person’s individuality is allowed in a joint agreement? Do we always have to agree on everything? And if we don’t, who is to step down for the other’s wishes?

  1. Who takes care of what?

In the conventional marriage, the husband is the head of the family and is supposed to provide the family’s needs. Nowadays women put in as much effort and bring in as much money into the family. So there’s the financial issue about what the husband also expects the wife to contribute towards the upkeep of the family while the wife thinks what she makes is hers to keep. So for the man, it is ‘our’ money while the woman’s money is ‘my’ money. How much of support is to be proposed? How much of support is to be encouraged? How much of support is acceptable without thinking the wife is taking over a husband’s role in the marriage?

The list is inexhaustible really but to keep this brief, I’ll leave you with these 5 questions. You can add any other frequently asked questions you know for the edification of newlyweds on this platform.

Just as pre-marital counselling is advisable, marriage counselling classes are supposed to be a non-stop knowledge acquisition, not because you constantly need someone to tell you what to do and what not to do but in some cases, it helps to be guided in right perspectives if you have grey areas of concern which needs to be tackled soon enough before matters get out of control.

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