What are we teaching our sons?

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It’s more convenient to pass buck when it comes to taking responsibility but consequences always remain unto whom it will affect. There is a lot of craze about teaching our daughters basically to be the perfect wives. Our African mothers put a lot of pressure on daughters only because they feel girls need a stamp of approval to be accepted in the society. The empowerment for the girl child is another topic on its own but for now, it has become imperative to draw our consciousness to the boy child. What are we teaching our sons?

I strongly believe that a good man is raised by a queen. Mothers aren’t perfect but they do their best however they feel is necessary for the children. Having said that, a queen is an exceptional woman who raise children of excellence, loving them as well as building soldiers for the benefit of the society even though it may hurt her too sometimes to be rigid on setting the right precedence. The end always definitely justifies the means.

Whether boy or girl, one thing is common – emotions. I remember my son telling me years ago, ‘mummy, someone beat me in my class’. I asked him what he did after the person beat him and he said, ‘he went to the back of the class of cried’. Well, that can either be a sign of decency or timidity, depending on how you choose to look at it but that singular conversation made me realize that he might need self-defense classes to be able to stand up for himself. But I said to him, ‘next time someone beats you, report to your teacher and distance yourself from people or situations that bring tears to your eyes. The more weak people perceive you are, the more they take advantage and bully you’. He hasn’t come back to narrate any such story since then. That doesn’t give me confidence it didn’t happen again but he knew better than to confess his timidity to me again without putting up a defense. We need to teach our sons about the dealing with emotions of both themselves and influencing others around them.

Boys generally feel and believe they are tougher than girls. They think they are a protector of some sort. This is good because it means they are acting out their masculinity. However, there is a point, like with every other thing when too much macho should be discouraged. I read on twitter a couple of days ago where someone said ‘too much masculinity in our sons is the reason we stay up worrying about our daughters at night’. Engage your son regularly, let him freely speak his mind without betraying yourself. Chances are you’ll pick a few wrong impressions you can begin to correct from an early age. We need to teach our sons that while developing that tough manliness, they need to be thoughtful about other people around them. Everyone is as much human as they are.

Fighting taekwondo, playing football or basketball are popular sports that most healthy boys want to engage him. These sports give them a sense of freedom, exerting as much energy as they want without restrictions and most importantly, it builds their sense of self. Encouraging a sense of self, without pampering or buttering, is one of the best things you can do for your son that will continue to stay with him even longer than you are around. However, while pampering is a no-no, encouraging and giving that pep talk is important every now and again until your son becomes fearless at attaining his goals and dreams. We need to teach our sons to freely express themselves without being timid in any situation or circumstance.

Love can be unconditional, it can also be reciprocal. In the 21st century, it is often reciprocal. Love begets respect and vice versa. It’s not just ok to grow into a man thinking women deserve you because they are less human than you. This again boils down to teaching our sons that although a husband is the head of the family, a wife is no less respected and consulted in that home for progress and happiness to thrive. When a man thinks he deserves something just by the virtue of his masculinity, issues such as pride begin to play tricks on his mind and he becomes compelled to take things without consent or permission. This is why you often find boys violating girls or giving ultimatums to friendship with the opposite sex without regret to the other person’s feelings or self-respect. How do you teach respect to a boy? Children often learn by what they see, drawing conclusions from interactions, from things they hear you say and from grey areas you leave to their imaginations. While teaching by example is good, some boys learn under more stern conditions by their rough nature. In this case, there is need to set standards and rules concerning certain things just to put them on the right path. We need to teach our sons to respect others around them.

No matter how tough or rough a son demonstrates to be, there is always room for affection and moments of vulnerability to be shared with him. Even though women are queens trying to raise soldiers, there should be moments of sharing special bonds between a father and son or a mother and her son. More importantly, there’s need to emphasize to our sons that there no absolutely no weakness in showing love and affection toward the special people in their lives. Their comfort level at showing affection toward their parents and siblings, to a large extent, can determine how they grew to be generous lovers or husbands in future. We need to teach our sons that there is no weakness in showing affection.

All boys grow into adults, but only some grow into men. Men put their families and friends above their own well-being, and will stand up for what they believe in, always. Men have integrity, and always act with the best of intentions. They may have a tough exterior, but on the inside is a caring, selfless person willing to do anything to make his loved ones comfortable and happy. The world would be much better with more responsible men. So what are we teaching our sons today?

10 thoughts on “What are we teaching our sons?

  1. You are doing a great job. I have a son as well and I hope that I’m raising him right. There have been a rise in murder and rape in my home town and it definitely makes me think how are we raising our sons. You can tell a girl what not to do to get raped or what not to wear, but they should be able to walk, do, be and wear whatever they want when they want without worrying about our sons and men and what the consequences will be. Thank you for asking this question and writing this post. It is an important discussion we need to have as parents.

    1. I pray your home town is soon delivered of this evil menace. It is truly disturbing and like I said it has become imperative as parents do take equal amount of training in our children. One gender can’t be made to suffer the others negligence. God help us. Thanks for reading Lindsay 👍

      1. Thank you so much. We need all the prayers we can get. I would like to teach my son about consent as early as possible. It is so true that we women must consider so much and we are taught so much. Even our bodily functions like periods should be hidden and not discussed. I’m growing tired of it.

      2. I was reading an article about ways women have to hide tampons and pads at school and work. It is like periods shouldn’t exist.

      3. Lol. Too much secrets make everyone inquisitive anyway. I’m not in support of that. It’s interesting sharing your thoughts

  2. Mmmmh, how much I wish the legacy set by our forefathers shall continue to revolve around the center of our minds in other to establish the sanity and the integrity of manhood. Days when good names are worth more than gold, days when a boy will be tutored about the importance of good morals and love for mankind, days when every bad thing that could rubbish the family name was a taboo. I was brought up and trained by an aged woman, my wonderful grandmother, my very first love who made me who I am, likewise, every other child raised by this same mama are today proud of her. She’ll never raise her hands on you, instead, my grandma will summon all of us, thirteen in number, she’ll seat us down and feed us with the words of wisdom, stories about life, both from the word of God and history, this admonishment is premised to be precise details of love for one another, respect for one another, support and encouragement for one another, we grew up with a loyal mindset, both male and female. Considering the past in comparison to our day starting from the early 90s, children are left to make decisions themselves, particularly the male child putting more attention on the female child basically for selfish reasons such as, train your daughter so she won’t be impregnated not to bring g shame to the family, but what about the male child, the male child are left alone with their fate to be determined by friends, movies and some low moral people around, lately, the fate of our children hang on devices, internet, they spend more time on the internet surfing illicit sites, watching pornography and other violent prone movies without your consent, this automatically becomes their comfort zone, it becomes their lives and they tend to live by what they see because parents that are suppose to show them love and spelt out the importance of good morals are busy chasing wealth to the detriment of there future. The decadence in the society at large particularly as it concerns the male child can be traced back to parents who have refused to deliver to the children the good morals and training delivered to them by either their parent or grandparents. This is a wake up call for all parents to secure a better future for themselves by securing today in inculcating defined morals in our children.

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