Light up your relationship

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The power of communication is amazing. We can communicate by the words of our mouth, or attitude or gestures or even with our eyes. I remember when I was growing up, my mother loved to communicate with her eyes, especially when we were in public. One look at her and you dare not do what the eye is warning against. However funny it might sound now, it was that powerful and serious then. Communication still remains as effective and powerful even now. It can save situations or help correct misunderstandings and wrong assumptions. In an intimate situation, for instance, some women are fond of saying no to advances yet her body is screaming ‘ravage me’. You might think you’re being a certain way and in your mind, you’re expecting equal reaction but you’re disappointed when you don’t get the reaction you expect.

Really, stop to think about it. What light are you putting forward in your relationship – the red light, yellow light or green light?

Relationships sometimes don’t go the way we’ve programmed it in our minds because we’re unable to 100% put the other person before ourselves. By nature, humans are selfish which would have been a good thing except that there are situations where selfishness has beclouded our judgment of togetherness and true love.

An example is a home situation where the husband is the bread winner while his wife stays at home all day to run the house. The man gets in late at night tired and cranky. This is the norm and because his wife doesn’t want to upset him any further, she thinks she’s being considerate by letting him be. Over time, the wife develops a thick skin and is able to go months without intimacy and the husband’s mood doesn’t change. During a counselling session, when the husband was asked why he is so cranky all the time, he laments that his wife hasn’t been “receptive”. Now the wife is seated wondering at what point did she reject him or not care for him or did not show interest in being with him.

This illustration is explanatory. While our words may be saying one thing and we expect certain reactions, our actions may be saying another which is causing unpleasant responses in our relationships. Don’t burden another person with the weight of assuming and constantly having to figure out what’s in your head. Just say it. I still maintain that I don’t believe relationships are made only to be complicated.

What light are you putting forward?

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