Doing it for the children?


Marriage is for better and worse. At least, that’s what we all say when we read our vows. It doesn’t automatically mean that there will be good days or bad days. It just means whatever comes your way, you will stay and weather the storm.

Well, there’s a lot of storm raging against marriages now and it’s not encouraging the singles to want to give up their freedom to be with a total stranger. Yes, I say a stranger because no matter how sweet you were as lovers, being married under the same roof is a totally different ball game. Differences set in, ego sets in, pride, unforgiveness and the list is endless. When we are unable to cope with someone else being an asshole to us, we just damn the consequences and move on. Our happiness is far more important anyway than whatever love we thought we had for each other.

But what is happiness and what’s the correlation to marriage anyway?

During a class at Fresno Pacific University, a speaker asked one of the spouses in the audience:

“Does your husband make you happy?”

“No, my husband does not make me happy.”

The husband was baffled, but his wife continued:

“My husband never made me happy and does not make me happy. I am happy. Whether I am happy or not is not dependent on him, but on me. I choose to be happy in every situation and every moment of my life, for if my happiness depended on another person, thing or circumstance on the face of the earth, I would be in serious trouble. I am married but I was already happy when I was single. I’m happy for myself. There are people who say – Today I’m not be happy because I have no money, because someone insulted me, because someone stopped loving me, because I don’t know how to love myself, because my husband changed, because my children do not make me happy, because my friends do not make me happy, because my job is mediocre and so on. I love my life not because my life is easier than anyone else’s, but because I have decided to be happy as an individual. I am responsible for my happiness. When I take this obligation from my husband and anyone else, I free them from the burden of carrying me on their shoulders. It makes everyone’s life much lighter. And that’s how I’ve had a successful marriage for so many years.”

It’s comes very easy for us after we’ve had differences in our marriage to forget that you have young children looking up to you for life’s lessons. Or perhaps, we really have a genuine reason to move on for the benefit of having a life to even continue to see or be with the children. I’m sure everyone’s situations are peculiar.

I heard someone say that as long as God is still keeping you in that marriage, not onto violence or threat, then keep keeping at it until you get your breakthrough. Nothing lasts forever – not the stormy clouds nor the dark tunnels. Whatever you’re going through that is making you not want to be in that marriage anymore won’t last forever. And like the narration given above, your happiness matters a great deal but you won’t be any happier if you were to walk out of that marriage if it’s not life threatening.

Humans love attention, be it man or woman. The more you give attention to the things your spouse is doing that’s hurting you, the more you give them the power to hurt you. Instead, re-orient your mind and be positive about every other thing. The rest will fall into place when your spouse see you have no attention span for their crap.

If for nothing else, is it still worth doing it for the children?

2 thoughts on “Doing it for the children?

  1. Children are the reward that comes after the marriage, the outcome of exercising conjugal responsibility, the joy of togetherness, the glory of manhood, the reality of womanhood, the production and reproduction of self-esteem.
    Happiness, the outward jolly appearance of inner reality and self satisfaction.
    Marriage, according to God’s intent, for this reason shall a man/woman leave his/her parent and come together as ONE.
    I lay particular emphasis on TWO as ONE due to the immeasurable responsibilities that comes with the ONENESS as clearly stipulated and mandated by the Originator of marriage.
    The question that comes to bear is that why should spouse relinquish one another as a mare epitome of valour for selfish accomplishments rather than complimenting one another’s weaknesses in balancing and concretize the relationship not giving way to artificial loopholes that could emanate from selfish drive.
    Marriage, happiness, children are achievable thru selflessness, perseverance, dedication, mutual understanding, tolerance, openness, humility and exhibiting true love.
    However, I belong to the school of thought that a spouse must not remain in a marriage conditionally, as a woman, if your marriage /relationship becomes life threatening either by constant abuse or unbearable situations that brings suicidal thoughts, please WALK OUT, even if you have a dozen children, you’ll definitely come across someone that will love and appreciate you unconditionally.
    When you’re happy in your marriage, you glow and radiate the glory of the Originator of marriage,if otherwise, please remember that you’re not a tree fixated to withstand all conditions, you’re entitle to your life, to your happiness and you’re the only determinant to that glowing YOU.

    1. Well said. Very well said.
      Again, we can’t overemphasize the mandate to walk away from domestic violence and life threatening marriages or situations. At the end of the day, nothing else will matter but your life and sanity.

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