Whether you think it’s good or bad, only confident people flirt. I mean, you can’t be a flirt without the strong presence of confidence and sexiness you exude. There was once when flirting was simply a playful way of exciting interest in the opposite sex – an alluring glance, a fluttering eyelash, a tinkling laugh all designed to spice things up. Well, not any more. It so happens that flirting’s got techniques and if the techniques are more elaborate, then the results can be in your favor, I hear.
Yes, maybe no one wants to admit they flirt or maybe some of us do so unconsciously, either way knowledge is power. When you know what you are doing, you are better able to take control of it and use it as a wild card to get what you want. And yes too, we are selfish beings. We want the best in class and we want to be competitive. If we know what we have and are able to use it to our advantage, why not explore the means?
So I want to explore, in writing, this power flirting technique(s). Flirting can go both ways – it can either go in your favor and you get what you want or you could actually just make a fool of yourself and still not get what you want. With this at the back of our minds, why do people still take the risk of flirting when the chances a 50-50?
You can almost find responses to any question if you search Philosophy. While Aristotle argued that all communication is goal-oriented, Henningsen’s research identified six goal-oriented reasons why we flirt:
- We flirt for relational This means that individuals flirt because they want to alter the closeness of their relationship. It’s likely that many people flirt because they want to change a friendship to a romantic relationship, or a casually dating scenario to a more serious dating relationship.
- Flirts are sometimes driven by the exploring This happens when a person is romantically interested in another person and flirts to measure the other person’s reaction to them.
- Our flirtatious messages are sometimes driven by fun Sometimes we may flirt simply because it is fun or the interaction is playful. The danger here though is that you may be exciting a feeling you wish not to pursue any further than your target is beginning to want to explore further.
- At times we flirt for instrumental When flirtatious messages are driven by this motive, we are flirting to achieve a goal, maybe you want someone to do you a favor. Flirting in order to get someone to bend over for you describes this motive.
- Flirting can also be driven by the esteem Individuals flirt to increase or reinforce their own self-esteem. Sometimes, being flirted with can make us feel good about ourselves.
- And then, there’s flirting for the purpose of sex. Flirtatious messages born out of this motive are based on a physical attraction to someone.
In Henningsen’s study of flirting motives, he had participants describe a standard flirting interaction. He found that the most frequently noted motive was relational, suggesting that flirting is fundamentally driven by the desire to build a relationship.
So the next time you see a flirt, don’t automatically castigate them. We all want different things anyway but most of all, everyone just desires to me wanted.