The effect of “Whatever!” in a relationship


Very interesting but very annoying that a mere word, so randomly used, can be so hurtful when spoken in a relationship.

I remember the first time I was told “whatever”. I used to be so naïve, so innocent I didn’t understand inferences and I would struggle so much to explain myself. But maybe because I wasn’t out to win a fight or be so defensive towards my partner, I always sucked at explaining myself. I was always judged to be in the wrong. So you can imagine how much of a slap in the face I got when after trying so hard and all I got was – whatever, never mind.

Surprise plus shock but slap in the face plus tears in my eyes.

Communication is one of the most complicated skills you don’t get taught at institutions. Whether verbal words, non-verbal or just by the tone of your voice, there are definitely a lot to be mindful of when choosing your words during a conversation, especially as it begins to heat up. Whichever way your conversation is heading, there are just some things you don’t say in a relationship if that relationship actually does matter to you. Words like:

“Whatever”. I didn’t like it when it was said to me. I remember one my first “fights” and I said ‘whatever’. I must have come natural to me to say to someone else because I had been told that so many times. My husband didn’t like it – I could tell but instead of getting upset, he was turned on. Maybe because I stood up to him and sort of damned him for something he thought would have hurt me. I don’t know. Men can be strange sometimes. That episode turned out to be an interesting fight, if you know what I mean. For some reason, I find myself saying it often again and I don’t think I like myself after I’ve said it. Maybe because I saw the disappointment and hurt in his eyes when I said it. Is it too late to add – never say whatever again – to my New Year resolution?

“I don’t care”. Of course you care otherwise you wouldn’t be in that relationship so why deliberately hurt the other person just because you get angry or because you want to make them feel hurt. Like I said, men are strange. Sometimes the things that’s supposed to hurt them are the things that turn them on. Perhaps it’s intriguing to them that a lady would break the norm and show that she can possibly not care. But try it maybe once, if at all, and not again. It’s not a healthy line for any relationship.

“Never mind”. Again just like whatever, as a word, never mind may be as honest to say as a true intention but when you’ve said something and perhaps your partner didn’t hear you and for whatever reason you can’t understand why they would feign ignorance or not hear you or you think they are just too dumb anyway to be on the same wave length with you, you then pull out the “never mind” card. The next time you’re saying that, be mindful that you are not only shutting down a line of communication with your partner but you are being rude and heartening yourself beyond your partner’s intelligence.

What other words can you think of that shouldn’t be mentioned in any argument in a relationship?

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