The Pusher


It’s generally advised that women should marry men who love more than they do and I heard it again today. “When you marry someone who loves you more, he’s able to carry on your relationship when every other thing seem to weigh you down”. Children, career, chores, family and every other thing that will demand attention and can be overwhelming. Women, generally, have the tendency to snap if not properly managed and this is when it is most appreciated when you have a man who loves you enough to be patient with you, a man who will not criticize you, a man who will appreciate your efforts, a man who wants to relieve you as much as possible so that he can enjoy the best of you. This will only happen if you marry a man who loves more in the relationship.

So what happens when a woman loves more?

I suppose women have the capacity to love more naturally. They care more, pamper, give attention and love naturally. No wonder women are often The Pusher in a marriage.

Who is a pusher and what is the role of a pusher in a relationship? My definition – A pusher is the one who is determined to sustain a relationship or marriage. It is the person who gives more, communicates more, makes more effort, holds up more, forgives more, loves more, and endures more.

A lady was sharing with me today, she’s been married for 13 years. She said to me, “When you marry someone who loves you more, he’s able to carry on your relationship when every other thing seem to weigh you down”. She admitted she could be tough and mean when she’s overwhelmed but she appreciates her husband immensely for never giving up on her even when she thought he would pounce back and react to her outrageous behaviors. She said it was only because he is the Pusher in their marriage so he cannot choose or decide to be tired. If he accepts to be tired, it could be the beginning of the end of their marriage. So what is the role of a Pusher in a relationship?

  1. Holding forth
  2. Never giving up
  3. Never getting tired
  4. Once a pusher, always a pusher

A guy said to me once that just because women like to talk more or are more expressive doesn’t exactly mean they love more. Men aren’t much of a talker but it doesn’t mean they love women any less than women do. He said in fact men love more. Hmm. Is this true? I don’t know but psychologists say it’s not exactly true that people who are more expressive love more.

The lady I spoke to also mentioned that sometimes partners who have the other as the Pusher in their relationships, may actually be attracted to that element in their spouse, not having to consider what is takes to be the Pusher. So what does that mean? Perhaps the moment you stop trying, the moment you stop holding forth and striving to be the binding force in your marriage, your partner may interpret that as a weakness and see it as you giving up on your relationship as opposed to thinking of you as being a mere human being. After all, we all get tired from time.

Is it fair that one person of two in a marriage has to bear the onus of being the Pusher? No. But did you willingly start as a Pusher in your relationship? If yes, then I’m afraid it becomes difficult or impossible for you to give up if you have not exactly given up on your marriage. It takes two to make it work. It takes togetherness to get it right.

After all, ‘and they lived happily ever after’ isn’t only for one.

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