There are a lot of marriages out there that aren’t thriving. Yet the bulk of the responsibility to keep it together is on the woman. Who teaches girls or rather who brain-washes girls that their responsibility is to baby their marriage and chase their husbands till they die? When they are babying another adult, who will baby them? Or are women destined to be the sad haggard one in life? Yet when these women reach out for help, the general word is, it’s your cross or lot in life and then you find that they resign to living out their days with a spouse who is flawed and making them anxious and miserable.
I have both female and male friends who like to engage in very meaningful and intimate conversations about love and life. I listen especially closely to my male friends because they offer insights that help me navigate my own relationship with my husband.
Listening to people has made it as simple as it can be. Everything boils down to:
You make your choices and live with them; OR You change your mind and make new choices.
The choice to stay in a marriage or the choice to leave the relationship can be equally difficult. But the choice lies with you. As do the consequences of the choices you make. You have one life. Your choice.
Another dominant factor in a union is change. When we were younger, we wanted certain things. As we grow older, our wants and needs may change and we need to be in a boat where all hands are on deck. If not, that boat won’t sail. Bottom line, we change. As we navigate the oft-perilous journey of life together, there will be events that bring us closer and events that push us apart. But we need to have open and honest communication with each other and not bottle in so much to the extent that you burst out seemingly out of the blue.
Your life is to be lived with purpose. You should feel happy and confident and motivated every day. Even on days when you feel like crap, or things don’t go your way, you know that tomorrow is another day. Unless of course, you accept your lot in life ― then it is highly likely tomorrow will be much like today.
Folks who have been married for 30, 40, 50 years have been able to build strong shared values, several shared interests, devotion for the family unit they have created. They also have their own lives, their own friends and their own unique interests where they can express their identities and creativity. They enjoy being together and also thrive independently. Of course, after many decades, they have had their share of the good and terrible thrown at them. But they have made the choice to weather it together.
A relationship is only good if you thrive together. If one or both of you feel you are stagnant, resentful and miserable, then you urgently need to talk about it or agree to seek a third party to help you work through the issues.
If you fear “rocking the boat” then your yacht will never sail into the sunset with the love of your life.
It all boils down to choices. Which ones will you make?