Mid-week Motivation

What a week! And it’s not even over yet – God help me.

I find that it’s easy to be overwhelmed with a lot of activities going on around you – work, family, responsibilities and other things. But have you ever felt like you’re doing so much that is tiring you quickly, stressing you out but you find you are not really feeling accomplished at the end of the day or at the end of the week?

It’s time to explore more of your work-life balance option. Finding that equilibrium between work (what you have to do) and lifestyle (at least something which brings you pleasure). For instance, I find work and family have been taking a lot of my time and I’ve had less time to blog these past few days. Blogging/writing brings me fulfilment and it breaks my heart when I find excuses not to.

Perhaps this is me encouraging myself and maybe someone else out there. Take a break once in a while, breathe and make time to do the things which bring a smile and good throbbing to your heart. It’s actually a better remedy to the stressful life and good for you (your health).

How has your week been? … More Mid-week Motivation

Rate this:

Is it wise to stay friends with your ex?

There’s a lot of debate about whether it’s a good idea to be friends with your ex or how you should behave around your ex or if it’s wise at all to be in touch with an ex. According to psychologists, staying friends with your ex is the worst idea ever. If your relationship ended due to infidelity, abuse, jealousy or trust issues, remaining friends is almost impossible obviously.

For weird reasons, I don’t have issues being friends with an ex and I’m no psychopath. If we could be friends enough to date, why can’t we be friends after the effect of the breakup has worn out? Just asking.

Of course, I don’t appreciate the “let’s be friends” or “I think we’re better off as friends” conservation but if we happen to bump into each other in a totally harmless environment or circumstances, I don’t see why I need to act like I don’t know you or be hostile when you say hello. Or maybe I’m just not seeing it the way most people would because I haven’t had an ex experience gone bad. Once we both understand and know where to draw the line, I don’t see why we can’t be friends. I love to give respect and space and love to get it in return. Once that’s done, that’s all the criteria I need to keep friends.

Perhaps I may lend a few tips to anyone out there struggling with whether or not to be friends with an ex. You can determine whether or not you are ready to be friends with your ex and how to go about establishing a platonic friendship with him or her when you’re done reading this.
1.Be sure you are really interested in a platonic relationship and not with any hopes of getting back together. Otherwise, everything act of friendship then becomes a gesture to getting back together.
2.Be sure you have spent enough time apart and your friendship isn’t a deliberate calculation to getting back together. If the breakup is still fresh with all the memories and hurt from the breakup, of course don’t fool yourself. There’s no way you can be in a platonic relationship (friendship) with your ex under the circumstance.
3.Don’t be too expectant in your new friendship. For instance, just because it’s easy for you and want to be friends with your ex does not mean they feel the same way and if they don’t mind being friends, you shouldn’t expect same sweet treatment. That part of you guys is over when you broke up.
4.Be friendly, but not flirtatious. While you want to be nice to your ex, try not to be overly flirtatious or suggestive.
5.Exes are not a comfort zone. You can’t go back to them for sex or expect to fall back to the same pattern just because your present relationship or whatever else isn’t working well for you.

This kind of reminds me of a song my Nosa, I go always pray for you. Even when you’re exes, there’s absolutely no need to be ill-tempered or strangers towards one another.

Anyone correct me if my thinking is totally bizarre. … More Is it wise to stay friends with your ex?

Rate this:

Inspirational Monday: The power in togetherness

“A person with ubuntu is open and available to others, affirming of others, does not feel threatened that others are able and good, for he or she has a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that he or she belongs in a greater whole and is diminished when others are humiliated or diminished, when others are tortured or oppressed.”

– Desmond Tutu … More Inspirational Monday: The power in togetherness

Rate this:

7 Stages of a relationship

When I sit and wonder why relationships are the way they are today, most unhappy than others, I’m curious to know where they must have missed it. Yet every relationship, except matched ones (yet I stand to be corrected), start with a strong likeness toward their spouse/partner. How then did this likeness change into something unrecognizable?

Maybe because relationships have phases. Perhaps, they metamorphosis into new levels with every communication or meeting which leaves us either in a better space with our partners/spouses or a not-so-pleasant space with one another.

I first heard of the word “rebound” after Uni and it baffled me to think that another person should be the scape goat for you to avoid the pain of a recent breakup. But I suppose a lot of people would be guilty of this and perhaps forged a relationship out of this cushioned affiliation into a deeper level. At this junction, I think it is wise to advice that you need to first realize who a person is in your life and of what essence they have come to be in your life before you go on forging relationships with people who aren’t meant to be.

Having said that, let’s explore my “7 stages of every relationship”.

The pretentious stage – So you like someone who likes you too but you are a little bit hesitant to start the conversation. You seem to be very good friends when in group but pretend to not care about each other when it comes down to both of you. You somehow gather the strength to begin a random conversation on WhatsAppor Facebook and that’s how you start to get to know each other. During this stage, you bring out the good in you and leave out details which might make you seem like every other guy/girl in the world. After all, who wouldn’t want to stand out?
Infatuation – Infatuation is wonderful, a fervent excitement, passion, butterflies fluttering in one’s stomach, but it is not love, not by definition. So, basically the two of you have decided to give this ‘fling’ a chance. This is the honeymoon period for any relationship. You would do anything to be with that special person and become inseparable. You start your day with a ‘Good morning baby’ message and end your day with a cheesy ‘Goodnight Sweetheart’ text. Texting while you eat and poop becomes a norm for which your family will despise you for eternity.
Hard realization of the truth – This is where relationships really begin after diving foolhardy into it. This is the ‘mid-relationship crisis’ if you want to call it that, the beginning of all that you set out to avoid in a relationship. This stage is an important and, undoubtedly, unpleasant part in any relationship. By learning to resolve conflicts and working through problems, you grow and mature. You get to know that you have to break away from your ego or you either break up or make it work at this stage.
The second honeymoon stage – You two have made it through the rough and hard realizations posed by your relationship. You are now entering a steady stage where real romance minus many arguments takes off. Now there is the quiet after the storm – a deepening sense of friendship, commitment, trust and stability grows letting you get back to getting on with your life. You know where you stand with each other, you each have your own space and have more confidence and trust in your relationship.
The auto-cruise stage – So you’ve been together for a while now, you know one another pretty well. At this stage, you are in well comfortable with each other, trusting each through and through even when you are not together. You become the perfect lovers and know most of the things which others might not about your significant other.
The commitment stage – This is almost like an extension of the auto-cruise stage but a slightly deeper level. In this stage, you are now well familiar and accustomed to each other, after all the ups and downs in your relationship, you are finally in a long-term committed stage. You are willing to sacrifice for your better half. This is the part of relationship that can be scary – and good all at the same time!
Happily ever after stage – Congratulations!! You have found the love of your life if you are in this stage. You finally realize that you two are made for each other and can look forward to a ‘Happily Ever After’ ending, to a large extent 😉
Be careful and honest to identify which stage of your relationship you are at before jumping straight to “happily ever after” so that you don’t end up at “happily never after”.

It’ll be fun to hear read your comments on this below. … More 7 Stages of a relationship

Rate this:

I see the love in your voice. I hear it in your eyes

When you say to me,

“I try hard to stop loving you”

With the wavering confidence with which you speak those words,

And in your teary eyes,

Wrong as it sounds, I hear the love in your eyes.

I see it in your voice.

Even if you didn’t speak at all,

You give yourself away in more ways than you didn’t even realize.

It’s screaming out from those innocent eyes,

It’s glaring in your indecisiveness.

And it only assures me even more.

Because your eyes – they tell me how much you love me

And in your voice – I see your resistance to the natural affection you have for me.

It’s not you.

Just be you and love me

Because I haven’t stop loving you. … More I see the love in your voice. I hear it in your eyes

Rate this:

Suitor Aggression Gone Bloody

It was reported on April 30th how Mrs. Ashinwo and her daughter, 30-year-old Oluwatosin Ashinwo, an employee of MTN in Ilorin, Kwara State were attacked by a knife-wielding obsessed suitor of the young lady, 45-year-old David Ogundele.

Mrs. Ashinwo survived the attack, her daughter didn’t.

Hmm. Honestly, I have had enough of these gory relationship horrors. I want some sweet true love stories.

If you want to read more of this story, click here. … More Suitor Aggression Gone Bloody

Rate this:

Money matters

In my amateur attempt to decipher The Essence of Life, I published a research work in 2007. Speaking of which, I should have a new edition and an e-copy as well. I’ll get to that before the end of the year, God willing. In my book, there was a chapter I dedicated to examining success as the most thing in life. Unfortunately, people are only able to relate success to money. The more money they have in their bank account translates to how successful they are. Don’t get me wrong – money is good, in fact, it is heartwarming. I should know – I’m woman 🙂 . But it doesn’t translate to success. To me, success is like all round prosperity – in health, in wealth, in relationships and most importantly peace of mind. So you can see that money is only a fraction of success.

However fractional money is in the bucket of success, it doesn’t deride the importance of money in our lives and existence as humans. Our world is primarily based around money anyway. How you view money in your life then affects your lifestyle. You need to be informed of the tools and knowledge to manage yourself in a way that you don’t let money take over you. And money is definitely one major thing in our society that influences a person’s lifestyle, more in bad ways than good. Or better put, it can have the most extreme effect of both sides on a person’s life. … More Money matters

Rate this:

The dangers of a cracked heart

You know how no matter how much you try to patch a basket and fill it with water and it still can’t hold water? My African people may be able to relate with this scenario. Unfortunately, a well patched basket will never hold water. That’s how bad a broken or patched or cracked heart can be. You can only try to mend, maybe over time be healed but once something happens again that has happened before, you might realize you were never completely healed before.

I know someone who has had many broken hearts but like the song, Still believe in Love by Shola Ama, my friend wouldn’t be discouraged from loving again and again. Maybe it’s a good thing, right? But when I sit to analyze it, perhaps it’s the outcome resulting from a broken heart. You know how people who never had a mother always seek motherly love from every other woman, that’s what a broken heart or a vacuum can do to you. It gets you looking for love everywhere and God forbid you think you’ve found it and in the wrong person. So you love once, love again when it doesn’t work, try again when it seems this time might be different, then over and over again. Until you end up hating the idea of a relationship, carrying bitterness and unforgiveness in your heart. Because at the beginning stage of every relationship, men are persistent enough to get what they want. Their persistence is like the water and your cracked heart is like the patched basket, if they try hard enough, they will penetrate you and God help you he’s just another phony, you’re left with an even worse state of heart. … More The dangers of a cracked heart

Rate this: