Red or Blue pill anyone?

It kind of reminds me of the concept of Noise of the Market. Of course, the story is different but the similarity is there are a lot of distractions on a football field when there’s a match in play. However, a good player knows that his best bet is never to take his eyes off the ball.

So I was looking through Instagram last night and I stumbled upon this picture message about red pill and blue pill. The blue pill is to take you back 10years while the red makes you an instant billionaire. The comments were interesting. A lot of people said they would take the red pill stating that money would erase all passed mistakes, make everything better, is the answer to every problem and makes every problem more tolerable. Although, of course, it’s not a good idea to turn down money, I should know – I’m a woman. Other people commented they would take the blue pill and go back 10years to fix everything and perhaps even be able to make more than a billion worth in money. I remember I saw a comment that chose both (the red and blue pill). Now if that were possible, I would fall into that category – to take both pills.

Going back 10years won’t be a bad idea, at least not for me and taking a pill to be an instant billionaire might be good as well. You might sense my hesitation about taking the red pill. I’m very conscious about things that turns you around instantly, like a slimming pill or tea that’s guaranteed to work really fast or an easy way out of anything. Maybe I have a fear for an ever faster boomerang when it decides to turn on you. So, in this case, if I take the red pill making me an instant billionaire, I might be constantly looking over my shoulder. And in any case, that wouldn’t be my first option because in becoming a billionaire, I don’t believe it takes away problems, not if they are not money related problems. Imagine a single mother who is in need of love, warmth and strength, I don’t imagine money take away her problems. Or a divorcee who’s desperately anxious, questioning if anything can be ok again. Or a victim of domestic violence who only wants everything to be normal in the relationship. Or a person seeking love and affection and attention, does being an instant billionaire take their want away? Maybe going back 10years doesn’t either but perhaps, knowing what we know now, maybe going back 10years to fix things wouldn’t be a bad idea.

What do you think?
More Red or Blue pill anyone?

Rate this:

The face of entrepreneurship

In light of my previous post on building successful careers, I would like to explore a more in-depth satisfaction and balance to doing the things that you love while creating time for every other thing/people that you love as well.

I once read that the greatest achievers are dreamers. I didn’t understand it at first but I came to appreciate it almost immediately after realizing the power of an initial conception of an idea if strategized rightly. A friend uses the slogan ‘Success is 99% persistence and 1% passion’ as his email signature. It caught my attention, pulling me back to my self-realization and how I’m doing in regards to the things I dreamed of doing. Even Thomas A. Edison states that “Genius is 99% perspiration and 1% is inspiration”. There has been and still is an increasing percentage, and even more of realization, into the entrepreneur-fold.

I have a lot of thoughts embedded in me, thoughts on how to help someone else be better, help someone else make more informed decisions, help youths be better for themselves and the community. I haven’t concluded on a better way to reach out other than writing. I am open to other ways though. In the meantime, I know I am inclined by my style of living to body consciousness and fashion. I hope to via into this as my retirement business, as a gift to myself eventually. But I do know people who are more passionate and inclined to growing businesses, both theirs and others’, out of a dynamic market need to meet a larger need. These set of people are at more advantage of creating wealth from multiple sources for almost, if not, a lifetime.

In the increasing conviction of the corporate world of constant downsizing and reallocation of manual labor to mechanical, it has become imperative for us all to dig deep and find something else, extra, or even full time to engage in so that we ourselves can become a wealth creator and perhaps eventually, an employer of labor. It’s about time that we are fed up of that one unpredictable source of inflow and device many sources to build that resourceful bottom-line we desire for a comfortable retirement.

So what do you need to look out for in the mirror the next time you’re there? You need to identify in you the face of an entrepreneur, a go-getter. The face of the entrepreneur who is an ardent dreamer, with enough fire-power in the belly, a zealous pursuit, a mighty purpose to fill a need and build sufficient force fields to enable you make the world a better place while reaping some economic rewards for doing so and not the other way round.

It’s not too late to begin with a dream. Neither is it too late to dig out your dream where you once left off.
More The face of entrepreneurship

Rate this:

A face, a place not bound by space or time

A face, a place not bound by space or time
In my solitude, I hear the many voices
In my quietness, I hear it loud
Yet not at all in the midst of the ones I love
A value for time is my vocation
The power to fill a need is my passion
I am content in your content
Yet in my solitude, I hear the many voices
Challenging me of the many yet I am yet to be
So my search continues
Of a fulfillment
Of a face
A place, not bound by space or time
Until then, my search continues
More A face, a place not bound by space or time

Rate this:

Myth or Truth: Women with successful careers are not always so lucky in their personal lives

In the days of my mother, more women were willing to stay back home and look after the family and they were contented doing so. Fathers provided with dignity and integrity attached to every responsibility. Now, more and more women seem to be getting more interested in taking the bull by the horn, working to earn their share of the cake. It’s, however, still a debate in the church whether a woman’s place is at home taking care of the family or on the field, plowing it to bring home some virtuous spoils. Either way, I don’t see the men complaining about enjoying in the spoils.

Yet, it has been in the rumors that women who tend to be successful in their fields are incapable of holding down the home front. I know a few women who have been carried away by the success and attention at work that they can barely afford quality time with their families, praying earnestly for their partner to understand their inability to be available. However, in the end, they have had a repentance of sort, wishing they had made more time to be with their families, getting to know and appreciate every milestone and development being a true mother and house keeper in the intent of womanhood. Because really, after all that is said and done, the best things in life are free.

However, how and when is working for a woman too much? Is it totally unnecessary to put time and effort into building a career or business? As expected of a man to live inheritance for his children, I should suppose so it is a woman. We (both men and women) all face the downside of losing quality time with our families if we are not careful to draw the line into a work-life balance so I’d say it is pretty unfair to emphasize the accusation on women. A good number of women have more to offer than their partners want to give them credit for, believe me.

I believe it is possible, though not easy but attainable, to have the best of both worlds as a woman. The key to it is finding that work-life balance that works for you. If you have reservations, comments or suggestions, please drop them in the section below. Let’s learn together.

It’s the beginning of another week full of potential ladies, go get ‘em!
More Myth or Truth: Women with successful careers are not always so lucky in their personal lives

Rate this:

It’s not easy but it’s worth every day

It’s been an unusual week so far, I don’t know about you. And I can’t help it but the past few days I’ve been feeling rather overwhelmed by a lot of goings on around me – work, family, today, tomorrow and whatever else seem to be roaming around my head. And I thought, it sure is hard to be a grown up. If only I could go back 10years and live without these adult responsibilities. I wish! Would it have stirred my life a different course? But definitely I would be less apprehensive about everything today. But then I came across this quote above and I immediately felt grateful.

In truth, life’s struggles have its way of making us feel burdened but I am encouraged to see life as a privilege, forget my age (if I can), and live in every moment, embracing every day and having fun growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. I’m just going to count my many blessings instead.

I needed to encourage myself! I hope I encouraged you too.
More It’s not easy but it’s worth every day

Rate this:

What is man to me?

A father, a brother, a lover, a husband, a son

Man to me is an epitome of strength,

A support through life’s hurdles

Man to me portrays protection,

Protection from wiles and life’s trickery

Man to me is humility,

Exemplifying God to me

Not lording over my feminism

Man to me is persistence,

Taking responsibility, ownership

Exuding tenacity

Man to me is success

Manly, muscular, striding with such gait that commands respect

Man to me is a mentor, a guide

Man to me is gentle and kind

Knowing when to throw me off balance

And realizing when to bring me back into an assuring embrace

Man to me is a father, a brother, a lover, a husband and a son

Bringing smiles to my face and chills to every ounce of my being
More What is man to me?

Rate this:

A place of rest

I like to watch Indian movies and before you think you know why, it’s not only for the unrealistic romance and happy endings they portray. For what it’s worth the pictures and stories are better than Nigerian movies and that’s dating back as far as the 80s. And even when they copy American movies, Nigerian movies would still not measure up to the copied edition. Anyway, my subject this morning isn’t about Indian, Nigerian or American movies but it’s about one character I wish to make an example of – Saloni.

I was in church one Sunday morning and the pastor must have mentioned something about grace, answered prayers and moving into your rest. That was when I thought about Saloni. Remember when I said Indian movies are about unrealistic romance, they could be unrealistic alright but I believe that the story of Saloni is one that transcends beyond answered prayers and entering into your place of rest. Life, peace, joy, happiness, and love. All these things are journeys, not a destiny so at every juncture of life we find ourselves, there is always something ahead waiting to be conquered.

Saloni is a dark skinned Indian girl looked at as an outcast despite being born to parents of fair skin. Her younger sister didn’t like to associate with her for this purpose. Only her aunty encouraged her and stood by her always. When she had lost all hope of ever finding a suitor, she met the bone of her bone and flesh of her flesh and they all lived happily ever after? No! It was only the beginning of greater challenges to come in her life. You see, her husband had been married before and was accused of killing his first wife. Only Saloni was eager to find evidence that her husband was innocent. Once that battle was won in court, her sister-in-law’s elder sister who was brought into their home to be a surrogate for her sister became the biggest thorn in the family. Saloni was always in constant battle with her. Then the supposed first wife to her husband resurfaced under the pretext of being a twin. Her husband believed her and took her in at the detriment of his marriage. Then Saloni herself was accused of infidelity and thrown out of the house. Back and forth like that. The family’s enemies always saw Saloni as a threat standing in their way of destroying the Singh family but with Saloni’s persistence, prayers and faith, no one was able to successfully overthrow the family. Until her sister-in-law’s sister succeeded in breaking her by killing her husband. Saloni became a widow but was still devoted to protecting her family and she succeeded eventually but only after the death of the beloved husband she found with difficulty in the first place.

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. If you can’t be persistent to see a thing through, better not to start it at all. My point here is, life is in phases, we win some and we lose some. Winning some doesn’t interpret into a place of rest. The next place is also a battle to be conquered until the day we die. Be more careful that you don’t let your guards down assuming you have conquered all. From grass to grace but even grace itself is in need of devout maintenance. Work out your salvation constantly with fear and trembling. Either way, you might have a happily ever after but it doesn’t mean you would have won it all.
More A place of rest

Rate this:

Raising a girl child

If I wanted to have another baby, asides the Nigerian economic hindrance to affording another child at the moment, it would have been the perfect time to have another. My children are eager, too, to have a baby sister or brother. So it got me wondering, if I were to decide which is more favorable, would I want a boy or a girl child. They both have their challenges, raising boy or girl child in my society. So for today, I want to examine the challenges of raising a girl child in this part of the world. I will consider looking into raising male children in another post.

The Girl Child from birth is an invaluable being with unlimited potentials and should be treated with nothing short of profound love and affection and provided for in terms of food, nutrition, healthcare, education and security. Ideal, right but this is hardly so in some parts of the world. I still wonder the rationale behind my husband thinking my son can have a taste of red wine and I can’t. Consciously or unconsciously, the Girl Child is discriminated against from her earliest stages of life with our parents brainwashing us with things that are acceptable and all things being tolerable. So throughout childhood and into adulthood, we are wired in different ways than the opposite sex. This is why a woman would be considered of a less privilege than a man, but not until the past few years when women have begun to raise to the challenge and challenge everything intolerable.

Ok so this can’t even be a factor to my having a girl child or not but I can’t ignore the evils going on in my society. In a previous post, I talked about the barbaric mutilation of the Girl Child’s genitalia for prejudiced reasons in the name of female circumcision. Meanwhile the pain and stigma of that stays on for the rest of the child’s life. Suffice to say that genital mutilation further hinders sexual satisfaction, inducing stress in her future marital relationship. Some develop occlusion of the vagina, affecting both sexual life and childbirth.

As if this is not enough, sexual and violent abuse of the girl child is on the rampant. Once, a friend of mine sent me a sick video of a man violating a child. I had to call her and say to her, please never send me this again. I understand that she wanted me to be aware of the evils, but I am aware. Since then, I must have also received a couple of videos like that. In another heartfelt post, Save the daughters, you can read a few of these things going on a daily basis. Yet the number of unreported cases is even far greater. These innocent beings are subjected to the trauma of sexual abuse at such tender ages. They subsequently suffer a range of morbidities from immediate injuries like lacerations, bleeding, and damage to internal organs and worse still death to long term psychological, emotional and social complications like depression, poor self-esteem, and anxiety disorders. On the long run, after the therapy and psychological help, it does have its effect for a lifetime.

I saw the movie, Wives on strike, with a friend a few weeks ago. It was hilarious yet the message was crystal clear. It addresses another issue of the Girl Child – early marriage. Some countries in Africa are amongst those with the highest proportion of early marriage. A colleague of mine was saying that amongst the Yoruba people of Nigeria and the Hausas lay the highest number of competitors for early marriages. I want to believe this is often against the wish of the girl child but there usually is a justification on cultural norms and sometimes it happens as a financial transaction by families. The Girl Child who is to be the bride and star of the day on her wedding day is relegated to the background, not considering the major setback in her life, limitation of her opportunities and even jeopardize her right to a proper education. I can’t imagine what the thrill in a child is for a man. Obviously, her early life is compounded with sexual and reproductive problems. She gets pregnant, suffer complications during pregnancy and delivery and most times, loss of live is inevitable increasing maternal mortality rates. A large percentage develop obstetric fistula and are subjected to a life of ridicule.

Perhaps people also fill the need to engage their girl child in early marriages because they are expected to stay home and attend to domestic chores anyway. In this way, they are neither encouraged nor given the chance to participate in intellectually stimulating activities. This discrimination is further justified on the grounds of different expectations in the roles and prospects of the girl child.

However, the travails of the girl child can be controlled. Joint action from all sectors and community based awareness and advocacy is necessary. Programs that raise public awareness and educate on the prevalence, female genital mutilation, child sexual abuse and early marriages should be encouraged. Professional evaluation and treatment should be provided for victims of sexual abuse and perpetuators should be charged and severely punished. Cultural attitudes on child marriage should be shifted and the girl child’s rights promoted and protected.

An empowered girl child becomes an educated, confident, employed, secure, strong and respected woman who can make informed decision. She can contribute effectively to the development of the nation and form a stable foundation for the next generation. The earlier we realize that no investment in women’s lives will be sustained until the girl child is empowered, the better for the world. But from my motherly experience with my daughter the truth about raising daughters is it takes plenty of attention to details, body language, good humor, a lot of time, and a huge amount of love.
More Raising a girl child

Rate this:

Tuesday Morning Dejavu

Hi People,

Driving to work in traffic this morning and I can’t remember how I got thinking of my childhood – the things that molded me, the ideas that formed me and the trials and journey through it all. It wasn’t easy growing up, I must admit. It wasn’t pretty either but those years are what formed me into what and who I am today. It’s not in the new friends or new things I learn along the way. Sometimes they have their good influence and other times they may just be a distraction from where I dreamed of being.

I was having a conversation with some of my colleagues yesterday about how people sometimes have misplaced priorities and take the less important things too serious. No one can live your dreams, no one also will walk you to your dreams but when you get there, people want to celebrate with you. That’s, of course, if you are lucky enough to discern right from wrong, important from distraction, walking out your salvation with sacrifices, fear and trembling.

Have you forgotten your dreams from days of youth? Or perhaps you’ve been distracted so much you don’t even think of your dreams anymore? Or you have just gotten comfortable with flowing with the crowd and pleasing irrelevant people or just everyone generally? Your life is yours. The pains thereof, the joys, the sacrifices and benefits you work out is yours to reap consequentially. People are important as well but you need to quickly discern the role of ‘people’ in your life or towards achieving your dream.

Have a fulfilled Tuesday.

Buki

More Tuesday Morning Dejavu

Rate this:

Understanding the Mathematics of Marriage

It’s funny that someone like me would dabble into writing an article on Mathletics, let alone mathematics of anything. I wasn’t very good at Math in Elementary school and my Father would beat me silly when I didn’t get a simple equation right. Fast forward to University when I took Logic as a discipline in my Course of study. Logic was interesting because I had developed myself in reading and mastered the art of being among the top students in any educational setting. Thanks to the beatings many years ago J. It’s interesting and always almost right when you apply Math and Logic to any situation of life because you can be certain of at least 80% successive prediction rate at whatever you apply it to. So I want to attempt to write the Mathematics of Marriage – Understanding the Mathematics of marriage so that we can reduce a lot of trending issues in marriages these days and be able to decipher what direction we are steering our marriages by certain actions that we take.

Typically, the definition of marriage accordingly to the English Oxford Dictionary is having a wife or a husband; showing commitment or devotion normally reserved for a spouse. Marriage, in my opinion, can also be like a chain reaction, as adopted from Chemistry, is a reaction (union/decision to marry) that results in a product (love/commitment) necessary for the continuance of the reaction (successful and longitude of a marriage).

According to John Gottman, an American Professor of Psychology, there are certain questions you can ask couples which can easily determine the course of that marriage on the long run. Simple and ordinary questions like ‘where did you two meet?’, ‘how did you meet?’ ‘what was your first impression of your partner?’, ‘what the wedding was like?’ ‘what was your reaction towards important transition in the first couple of years together?’ etc. Simple questions really but the idea behind it is in the answers given or the way and manner in which the event was recalled or if it can be recalled at all. Finding out the history of a person on basic emotions such as anger, love, frustration, depression, shame, etc also contributes to what to expect to manifest in some way in your marriage. In that regard, it is highly important that you know your partner well before tying the knot. Knowing his or her belief about certain things, knowing his or her map, that is, who and what are the key stakeholders in your partner’s life. When you know what makes him/her happy and you know what ticks them off, obviously, except you then want to deliberately hurt them, you will be careful to do those things that make them happy only. And if it becomes necessary to do otherwise, gentle communications with love and understanding never did anyone any harm. It actually mends a lot more and has better advantages than being revolute.

Being involved in your partner’s life gives you the benefit of carrying yourself along with their plans, progress and even a day-to-day activity in such a way that you always have something to catch up on, something to talk about. In this way, it’s not only a marriage but a relationship of good friendship. Be mindful also that making someone unhappy also equates and affects your state of mind and happiness because an unhappy person cannot produce happiness for you to enjoy anyway. It’s not an easy task. There’s a lot to always be cognizant of and the bulk of the job really lies with the men, even though our society likes to think the women are the ones to hold and sustain a home. Husbands who have this simple equation figured out and know how to effectively manage their wives are called Emotional Intelligence Husbands. Again, going back to my adaptation of marriage definition from Chemistry, what you put in is what will get in return.

Especially in our society, some husbands refuse to be influenced in any way by their wives. Perhaps they think it’s a form of weakness on their part if they should but studies have shown that men who can’t accept influence from their wives are at a high risk of divorce. A high rate of physically abusive men starts from refusing to be influenced by their wives. Yet you married vowing to love and respect each other, being conscious that you are marrying someone who is capable of bringing value to the table. Now that she has become your wife, suddenly you don’t see her as someone having or deserving to have an opinion about anything that has to do with her, both of you or anything at all. Note that respect plays an important role in the longevity of your marriage.

Marriage isn’t only about the man and his woman. It’s also about the children, about the in-laws, about your career and what everyone is bringing to the table. These phases after the wedding are called transitions. A successful transition in marriage depends first on the foundation the husband and wife have already made for and with each other. If that foundation is weak, every other addition or subtraction might not make the family stronger. For instance, a troubled couple thinking the arrival of a baby will strengthen their relationship won’t necessarily happen. More often than not, if it wasn’t working before the children start coming, there’s a higher percentage than it will only lead to separation or divorce on the long run. The group of couples too who use the children as an excuse to stay in a troubled relationship, according to John Gottman, is only prolonging the evil days. Because children become teenagers then adults and leave home. The troubles that were there before might not go away if never tackled even while the children were there. This category of marriage is termed an Emotionally Dead Marriage. They tend to last longer but because it lacks positivity and interest in one another, eventually that takes its toll on the longevity of the marriage.

It’s always interesting to find new ways of spicing up your marriage. The excitement of it alone gives happiness and discovering something that excites your partner gives fulfillment. In essence, there are many ways to be happy and very little ways to be unhappy which have been mentioned in the above paragraphs, not being involved, not giving to influence and the likes. It is therefore advisable to give five times more positivity and energy into your marriage then indifference event, talk less of negativity and when there are conflicts, finding a gentle way of communicating the issue separate from your partner’s person (strictly addressing the issue) is always helping.

Sigh! I hope I have been able to do small justice to this article I imposed on myself. Let me know your thoughts or reservations if you have any.
More Understanding the Mathematics of Marriage

Rate this: