One Lovely Blog Award

Hi People!

When I uploaded the post for Monday, I hadn’t planned for it. In between work and busy schedule, it gets difficult to find time to keep up with my favorite blogs. And then when I get recognitions such as this from Dialogue from the Depths nominating me for the One Lovely Blog Award, it not only makes my day. It gives me a renewal of strength and love for what I do. So I say a big THANK YOU for this recognition. I am honored.
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Don’t take yourself too seriously, he said

Lydia likes to plan herself and assess situations before diving in. she likes to think and re-think, analyze and ask questions at least to eliminate the dangers ahead. She knows she cannot guarantee all will be well but she wants to be sure she has done her homework and minimized every possible downturn. Is that a wise practice?

Man proposes but God disposes. Lydia knows she can plan all she wants but it doesn’t eliminate the unexpected sudden blessings that will come her way or avert the unanticipated failures that she will experience. It’s all part of the beauty of life. Yes – beauty. If we were to know everything, then we wouldn’t have to try anymore. We wouldn’t have to learn. We wouldn’t have to even serve God because then we would be Gods ourselves.

These things cloud her thoughts. Confusion and frustration sets in when things aren’t going her way. Lydia’s wish is to be the perfect servant to God, daughter to my parents, wife to one husband, and mother to her children. It is possible, isn’t it? But then he says to Lydia, don’t take yourself too seriously. Even Lydia wishes she doesn’t overthink everything all the time.

What would be your advice to Lydia and everyone in like regard?
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The beginning and ending of your online relationship

In a world where singles are becoming frustrated waiting for the perfect guy, the kind of guy who ‘makes your blood hot and wakes you with butterflies in your stomach’. Sigh! Blood hot indeed… isn’t that hypertension? I’m sorry. I’m a hopeless romantic myself so I’m not meaning to hurt anyone’s feelings. But the truth is true love is indeed hard to find. Very few people are fortunate to find it and if perchance they become unfortunate to lose it, they may never find it again.

So in the frustration of desperately wanting to be in a relationship, the option of dating online I suppose stares you in the face. There must be a lot of dating and meeting platforms online these days. You can to meet people who tend to be articulate, telling you exactly those things you want to hear. Looking at their pictures, you are so sure you’ve found that special one only for you. Hold up! Please note, that these social mediums are what it is – make believe. Damn, not even pictures are real anymore with all the filtering options on your smartphone. So how are you sure you are talking to that person whom you’ve painted the perfect picture of a beautiful future with?

Or perchance you meet him/her, is he/her the same as the pictures – lucky you! But is she/he as articulate as they seem to be in your chats? Are they as warm as you perceive from a distance? Are they sweet? Everything you perceive them to be? Everything you want them to be? If so and they are that amazing, how come they haven’t been bagged before you came along? What happened in their relationship or previous relationship if you are that lucky?

I’m a firm believer in asking questions. I like to know everything, even though I can’t get all the answers in one sitting or even get the right answers all from one person. But I don’t like to be carried away with the fancy face or scenario and forget the important thing(s).

Note, too, that online relationships are best kept where you picked them up – online. You may find that you are unable to communicate as freely as you were while chatting or unable to co-exist as you dream of. No matter how unhappy you think you are, frustrated and desperate, you need to go into any relationship with all your senses wide awake. And grabbing someone from the internet might not be for you. Whoever is for you, you need to know the person, understand what you are getting into so that when you do, you alone will be responsible for your decision, not your perception of what was not.
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Getting older or what?!

Hi people!

Great weekend it was, yea?

It was restful for me, quiet and normal. Not until I got to work this morning and all I’m hearing is, how did you spend your valentine’s day yesterday? Like seriously, don’t let today be a drag already.

Don’t get me wrong, I love surprises. I love parties. I love love … urr … or maybe I used to. I don’t know anymore. Can I blame it on maturity? Growing responsibilities? Tiredness? Whatever it is, I am grateful for one thing … crap that, I’m grateful for a lot of things – family, work, good health and life. So yes, that’s how my Valentine’s Day went. It went and I am still grateful.

Now Easter, that’s a celebration to look forward to. 😀

Have a great day y’all.
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Conflict management: In marriage

This is not a good time to be in conflict with your partner. In fact, no time is good to be in difference with your spouse. Valentine or not. However, I heard someone say conflict is needed in any relationship in exchange for a better one. Even if that is true, it doesn’t make the idea of conflict appeal to me any more than it did. Although only few couples like to admit it, conflict is common to all marriages. We have had our share of conflict and some of our disagreements have not been pretty. Since every marriage has its moment of tension, I suppose bringing to limelight how to deal with these tensions is inevitable. Conflict can lead to a process that develops oneness or destruction. You and your spouse must choose how you will act when conflict occurs to derive the oneness you want in your home.
1.Resolving a conflict requires an open avenue for communicating your differences and disagreements with your spouse – be objective, not emotional
2.Resolving conflict requires knowing, accepting, and adjusting to your differences. We don’t all come from the same background; have the same ideals and opinions so leave room for some adjusting.
3.Resolving conflict requires defeating selfishness. No one, by default, wants to put anyone else before themselves. By defeating selfishness, it doesn’t entirely mean you are forfeiting your desires for your spouse but you need to let go of the opinion that it is all about you.
4.Resolving conflict requires pursuing the other person. If the ultimate in your marriage is the peace and happiness of your home, then you should know it’s neither about you nor your partner. It’s God and God is love. If you let love reign in your marriage, then pursuing the well-being of the other person becomes your priority.
5.Resolving conflict requires loving confrontation. Now, as crazy and difficult as this may seem, it does have its benefit if you have checked and cleared the following that your emotions are not getting the better of you.
6.Resolving conflict requires accepting and forgiveness. The key to maintaining an open, intimate, and happy marriage is to ask for and grant forgiveness quickly. And the ability to do that is tied to each individual’s relationship with God.

Yoruba people say (translated) – the good things deserve prayers; the things that are also lacking deserve prayers. As stated in the opening paragraph, every marriage has its moment of tension and if this is not managed and addressed properly, delicately, it can lead to isolation and the destruction of your hard work. Know that it is not by your efforts alone though, because by yourself, you can do nothing. The institute of marriage has become the most attacked by the enemy. Your spouse is not your enemy. Put in your efforts to fighting the enemy out of your marriage. Let the wise Word God of guide you.

Note, choose your battles. Not every mole is worth making a mountain of.

Forget every issue, forgive every hurt and love like you’ve never loved before. 😉
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Ordinary people: behind the scenes

Have you ever wondered about the simple man sitting dutifully by his vulcanizing machine? Or about the seemingly wayward lady putting up a carefree happy face selling paraga? Have you ever thought what might be waiting at home for the woman hurrying home from the market with her baby strapped to her back? Or even about that pretty lady, well-trimmed, well dressed, and well-spoken at your office who isn’t even dating? Have you ever imagined what a day as that dashing rich guy would be?

These are the lives of the seemingly ordinary people. The people we meet every day, passing by them and never knowing what goes on behind the scenes in their lives. They say no man is an island. Have you wondered how those other people, strangers, indirectly affect your life in ways you will never know?

Am I asking you to get to know everyone and invite them to dinner in your home? Of course not! But show a little love to someone every day. Give a little from your little. Spread joy anywhere you find yourself. Give hope everywhere you find helplessness and encourage the lowly. You might be taking away their situation behind the scenes but you sure are helping someone look at life in a brighter light.

It’s the season of love anyway so why not share love, just because.

I love you!
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Perception and Reality

Whenever I have a few quiet moments in bed on Saturday mornings before family jumps in, I find I have time to reflecting on life, experiences, and dreams and do some evaluations. I honestly can’t remember what got me to thinking about this but I ended up with perception and reality. Maybe it’s comparing the dreams I have to present status, wondering when it’ll happen for me. Then there is me and the world. I know my strengths, my weaknesses, my battles and the victories I have won but how does the world see me. If only people see me as I see myself in all my moments/moods, would their perception of me still be the same? What is reality? What is perception? Would it be right to assume the world’s perception of me to be the reality? After all, they see the package which is me from the reflection of what I put forward. Would that make their perception my reality?

Some schools of thought believe perception is reality. I think I beg to differ. Knowledge, intuition and senses vary. Based on these, the belief that perception is reality is fallacious. Perception may be the lens through which we view reality, ourselves, others and the world around us, yet that lens may often be muddled with what is being viewed through it. That is why while a color appears white to some, it may be undeniably blue to others. Reality, too, is relative to knowledge, intuition and senses. Perception and reality only have a complex relationship with each other. So while perception and reality may have some sort of similar characteristics, they are not one and the same.

I didn’t mean to sound too philosophical this morning but I guess what I am driving at is the beauty of the interlocking and interchanging of the two identities to add color to life.

I am grateful for the presence of both in my life.
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Ways to spice up your marriage

If I had seen this topic on any blog, I would have been intrigued and excited. After all, who doesn’t want tips on ways to spice up their marriage? I’m flattered that you stopped by to read this but I don’t I don’t disappoint you when I say I don’t have all the answers. But hey, maybe we can learn and encourage each other while you’re here.

This applies to those of us married couples with kids, though you may have more diapers than diamonds, more early mornings than date nights, the thing to remember is that your world is not only about your kids. Put your partner and romance on the front burner. You’re not neglecting your kids if you put your marriage first. We seem to be marrying our kids instead of our spouses because we find it easier to be with our kids than our partners. Even better, by putting your spouse first, you are creating a trio of positive outcomes — your marriage will improve, your children won’t suffer from over-parenting and your kids will learn positive relationship skills.

Some helpful tips might be:
1.Don’t be afraid to get personal. I know after the kids, some of us women tend to lose our self-esteem, confidence and even respect in some cases (depending on how to let your spouse treat you). You need to work on yourself. No one will make you feel better about you than you. Love yourself, exude that confidence and don’t be afraid to work that magic you once did before you married your husband. Same goes for the guys, encourage intimacy.
2.Be mindful of the little gestures that please your spouse. After marriage, after the see-finish, we tend to forget to impress each other anymore. Hey, don’t forget that if you hadn’t impressed her/him in the first place, you most likely wouldn’t have been married. So, what’s changed? If I belong to you and you belong to me, why don’t you think you did my approval, my consent, my happiness so we can live a life of sensual memories?
3.Enact role-play. There’s nothing as beautiful as keeping the love fresh and alive. I heard someone say her husband and her have separate numbers for enacting fun conversations with each other. She sends texts him as his ‘anonymous hottie’ and he responds dutifully. When they get home, they know they are in for some steamy moments. I heard another say she has all manner of fun toys they use in bed. The idea here is find what works for you and throw in some spices while you’re at it.
4.Be spontaneous. I know it’s easy for us to slip into a routine. Let’s be honest, it kind of makes it all easy to handle but try something different once in a while, especially when your spouse least expects it. Show up at their office and take them for lunch (if your offices aren’t far apart or if Lagos traffic will allow you be back at your office in time). Send them flowers at work. Give them gifts even when it’s not a cause for celebration. But really, your life is always a wonderful cause for celebration any day.
5.Plan quality time. And if spontaneity would not serve you, don’t feel weird actually planning out the times that best work for you and your spouse to observe your quality moment. The absence of this would only cause a bigger weirder situation in your marriage and you don’t want to look at your marriage years down the line and not recognize yourselves.
6.You might need to adjust your mindset. That’s if you fall into the category of people who believe once you are married with kids, talking about sex, performing the pleasurable act or sex during pregnancy is a taboo. Seriously? It is a great way to reduce stress, feel closer to each other and even get a good night’s sleep (which we all need after a crazy day). Remember, love takes effort and a little closeness to make it continue to grow — but it’s not work. Don’t see your marriage as work. It’s not. Otherwise, you shorten your lifespan and every day, every moment of your life becomes detestable even to you.
7.Communicate always. I find it easier to say to my husband – I just flushed your goldfish – after sex than I can say on a normal day. Does that even fall under communicating? But the idea is to stay in the good space always where you are able to talk out your issues, concerns, joys and dreams. Once issues are left unresolved and matters are left unspoken, that’s when it becomes easy for a third wheel to come between you and you don’t want that. It becomes harder to get back to where you were before the matter ensued.
8.Reminisce. It’s amazing what the power of reminiscing your early days can do for your marriage. I remember when I would pull out my wedding tape to watch again. I did that because I didn’t want to forget the feeling I had when I married my husband. I didn’t it because I want to find a place in my heart to forgive him, after an argument or something. I did it because I always want to be in that space of love and gratitude. Review your meeting, courtship, wedding and early marriage often. Remembering what drew you together helps you stay crazy-in-love.
9.Show appreciation. Again it’s easy to fall into the category of see-finish and forget to appreciate your spouse for those little things you used to thank them for in your early years. Play the appreciation game frequently so that it radiates in your home to be thankful for even the little things.

Phew! I don’t think I did badly for an amateur. Do you have more suggestions? Let’s hear them.

Happy spicing 😉
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