In my next life, I would say ‘I don’t know how to love’

I love the way you smile, I love the way you smell, I love the way you look at me,

I love the way you want me, But only time will tell,

Because I don’t love what you did to me, For my heart is what you took …

I was betrayed,

Now I don’t know how to live again,

But I want to love again,

How do I love without my heart?

Now loving has become an impossible chore

And every new person a waste of time

Gosh, I wish I could just say

I don’t know how to love
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Let’s talk about sex

Oooooh! Sex – so controversial yet so exciting to talk about. It’s not supposed to be mentioned amongst decent people, or that’s what the society thinks. These things (about sex) aren’t to be mentioned in public or maybe at all. Yeah, right. So if we don’t talk about it, how do you want to get educated, aware or even educate your child? It’s become very necessary now with the way the society is going. There have been too many vile perpetrations recorded in the past five years and mostly against children. So, there’s the need to talk about this – let’s talk about sex then, shall we?

We can talk about sex in the context of gender or in the more controversial context which is intercourse. Intercourse would be a better debatable topic to discuss. What does the Bible say about sex? There are a lot of verses on this but let’s simplify it by using 1 Corinthians 7:2 – But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. In one word, sex outside of husband and wife is immoral, a sin against your own body and against God. Unfortunately, the Bible has no further consenting record about man and man or woman and woman or adult and child or human and animals which is now the trend.

I know, I know. We all fall short of the sex before the marriage thing but that’s another topic I wish not to discuss because I do not have a justification for it. But in any case, as much as it can be a blessing, intercourse is also a curse as seen in Genesis 2:24 – Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. One flesh, one body, one soul. A few years ago, my father told me that for everyone a person shares their body with, they become one soul with that person. How many souls have you conjoined yourself to? One, two, 10, 20? How many of those souls are disturbed or distressed or unfortunate and wretched? How many of those have affected your God-given destiny, limiting you to the treasures of God for you on earth? Scary thought! But the good news about sex is that it is within marriage is pleasurable because God designed it that way. God wants men and women to enjoy sexual activity within the confines of marriage.

Like I said earlier, most of us fall short in indulging in sex before the marriage, perhaps for a different number of reasons but the most popular one is for benefits. You want this person to like you more, you want him/her to choose you above others, you want what he/she has, etc. Mind you, sex does not determine or guarantee a respected relationship with anyone. If anything, it takes away from your personality in such an instance.

Now be mindful that children need age-appropriate information about their bodies, puberty, sex and reproduction. This doesn’t have to be one big talk, but lots of little conversations repeated. It is important to understand the stages of sexual development your child is likely to go through at different ages and what you can do to help them adjust to the changes they will experience. Sex education for a primary school child should occur in the way we talk about body parts and body functions, how we teach children to care for, respect and protect their bodies, and while we prepare our children for puberty. Choosing the right age to answer questions such as ‘Where do I come from?’ and ‘What is sex?’ is more about how comfortable your family feels talking about such topics, rather than there being a perfect time. I advocate as soon as you feel compelled to have such conversations with them, minding their age and their understanding of your communication language. Other factors to keep in mind as well might be when your child begins to feel more modest, say by age six and might want privacy in the bathroom. This is a good chance to help them understand their feelings and make sure they are aware of the things to be cautious about or raise alarm about. There are no hard and fast rules to sex education in children, just tap into the timing that best works for you and your child and like I said, feed them age-appropriate information.

I’d like to hear your view about sex. Let’s keep talking.
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CHILD RAPE: STOP IT!

I have wanted to write on this subject since Tuesday but it’s not as pleasant to write about as it is to get the campaign against this out there.

A friend of mine sent me a video sometime in 2013. I love her but I couldn’t restrict myself from letting her know never to send me such videos ever again. She said she only meant to keep me informed and aware of the possible evils in the society. Don’t get me wrong, I never assumed we live in a sane world where everyone is considerate and human. But you see, I have a daughter and it became a nightmare to have watched that video, despising the effect of the content of that video on a little baby girl. I couldn’t sleep with my eyes closed for nights, watching over my daughter like an overprotective mother-hen, suspecting every move towards my daughter. God forbid I have to suspect my husband or her older brother. It was that worrisome. But I guess I was able to come out of that hole.

Such evil, no doubt has always been in the society. Mind you, there’s nothing new under the sun. But I suppose the effrontery and viral spread of this vile act has become even more rampant these days. Child abuse is nothing compare to this newness of low in our society. Men no longer find pleasure in the opposite site. Heck, not even with same sex. Now, they turn to children? Innocent little ones whom the Lord gifts us from the directly from His Throne of mercy.

I have a father, a husband and a son whom I love and adore so I won’t generalize men. There are others too who are sane and full of the fear of God.

This is a call to STOP CHILD RAPE. Please, give these babies a chance to grow and live normal, even extraordinary lives so they can be free to do exploits like the Bible say they are for.

I have said my piece.
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Review on Noise of the Market, Adebukola Ayodele-Alamu, 2013

This is the description of my third and most recent publication, Noise of the Market, written and published on Amazon (E-book Kindle Edition) in 2013.

Noise of the Market is a melodramatic work of fiction. This is a tale of love, deception and betrayal. It is the chronicle of three generations of women who at different times pursued different paths, yet simultaneously suffered the same fate, as a wife and mother.

This book is thoughtfully written solely for the purpose and the information it provides on a few of the possible causes of broken homes. While this book gives an instance of early love gone sour, deception and betrayal as its base of this story, there are other possible causes of a broken home; such as onset wrong choice in marriage, neglect and lack of care, sexual abuse, domestic violence, infidelity, irreconcilable difference(s), lack of communication, lack of trust, among others. However, the most prominent ones of this generation are financial issues, cheating spouses/infidelity, jealousy, parental or friends influence, lack of genuine selfless love and time-consuming jobs. This story and its characters and entities are FICTIONAL. Any likeness to actual persons, either living or dead, is strictly coincidental.

Purchase a copy here
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Golden Rule

Do to others what you want done to you

So what if people don’t reciprocate what you do to them, what do you do?

In a marriage, when you have vowed to love in good times and in bad, and your spouse does not reciprocate your love, what do you do?

In a relationship, or not, when you give, do you expect your gift will return to you from same person? If it doesn’t, what do you do?

If all you know how to do is to be nice and considerate towards people, if you don’t get same reaction from people in return, what do you do?

We are not God. Only God can love, give and be faithful unconditionally.

Since we strive to be perfect just as He is perfect, would it be too much to be unconditionally towards one another?

Otherwise, if you give me, love me or are nice to me only because you expect me to do same, pardon me if I don’t reciprocate. I might not have the onus on me at that point to be what you want me to be.

I thought I should share this food for thought.

Good morning all.
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Wild Area: Times like Weather

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I had said I would finish up my long lost series on Times like Weather. If you haven’t read the previous series please see them here – Times like Weather, It’s in men: Times like Weather, Heavens come crumbling down: Times like Weather for easy correlation. However, I believe I jumped the gun and skipped to the happily ever after in It’s a Beautiful Morning. Please forgive me. I hope enjoy it.

Olusegun thought it would be an opportunity to say his goodbyes when his sister called for him. However, he was disappointed to learn that Nifemi was the reason she summoned him.

“Sister, don’t let me disrespect you because of this woman. Please”, he exclaimed furiously. “What is the meaning of this?”

“Will you keep quiet and sit down?” she said to him in like manner. “What nonsense!”

“Sister!” he increased his tempo. “If you want me to listen to what you have to say, first ask this woman to leave this room this minute”.

“Please help me beg him ma”, Nifemi crawled on her knees. She had been crying; her eyes were red and swollen. She has been having quite some tough times getting a chance to redeem her life.

“Olusegun”, Aunty Kofoworola said firmly. “Sit down”. He obeyed grudgingly. He fumed as he sat and looked away from both women. “How sad” Aunty Kofoworola said in a hushed tone. “Patience is the principal character in all things. It is important to have it; and in all your doings have understanding too” she admonished. “Nifemi, please sit down”.

“Aunty Kofo, please let me stay like this”, Nifemi begged while she knelt on the tiled floor.

“Sit down”, Aunty Kofoworola insisted. Nifemi obliged reluctantly. “Olusegun, do you remember when that was you on the floor, begging to get your family back?”

“That was a longtime ago. Besides, the terms do not apply anymore. Things have changed. I have moved on; she gave me no choice”, Olusegun got angrier as he spoke.

“Cutting off the head does not remedy an acute migraine. What is done is done. She has learnt from her mistakes and she is willing to make amends”.

Olusegun laughed out loud. “Make amends indeed! What went wrong with her lover; the one she left her children to be with?”, he asked his sister.

“Lover?”, Aunty Kofoworola was shocked.

“Aha! She will not tell you the terrible things she has done. Yet you expect me to be gracious enough to take her back? Even if Adebola is not in the picture, which I bless God she is, I still will not take this one back. I have condoned a lot of rubbish, insult to my person but even when I knew these things, I didn’t send her away. I never sent her away. Yet she left me in the midst of her frivolous gallivanting. Still I searched for her”, his voice lowered. He was hurt.

“She led me to my good fortunes. If not for her, I wouldn’t have given another woman a chance; I probably won’t be who I am today. Still, I thank her”, he referred to Nifemi. “I acknowledge the things I accomplished by her and the beautiful children she willingly gave me. I will take really good care of them to the extent that she will hear of them in future and be proud. But there is no going back now; it is against my vows to Adebola and will be a grave insult on my person to take her back. I didn’t send her away. She left on her own volition”.

“The woman who has born you children is definitely now more than mere acquaintance. You cannot deny her anymore, personally or publicly. She will always rub off on you all the days of your life, whether you like it or not. Your shadow is cast on her for life and hers’ on you. Can’t there be a form of compromise?”, Aunty Kofoworola tried to placate her brother.

Olusegun chuckled sarcastically. “Sister, you know I love and respect you very much. I will not want to disrespect you in anyway whatsoever. But let me put it to you clearly. Even if my mother woke up from the dead on this account, I will still not take her back”, he said firmly. His eyes grew big; his sister had never seen him so stubborn and angry. As much as she tried, she knew there was nothing else to say to pacify him. Whether in good fate or possessed, he had spoken his mind. There is, therefore, now no going back.

“Ha! Aunty, please help me beg him”, Nifemi fell to the floor again. “Olusegun, my husband, please”, she crawled up to his feet. “Please don’t do this to me. For Christ’s sake, please don’t do this to me. Think of the times we’ve had. The times we’ve shared in innocence, for the sake of love. My husband . . .”

“I am not your husband”, he stood to his feet. “Sister, if there is no other matter that requires my attention, I will take my leave”.

“Yet you claim you know a God who beseeches us to forgive one another even as He forgives you?” Aunty Kofoworola shook her head in pity. She found no other word to say to him.

It was a terrible thing what has happened between these two. Olusegun was definitely not going to give in; his mind was apparently made up. When she said nothing, Olusegun took that to mean there was no other matter of urgency.

“I will see you some other time, sister”.

Nifemi was abandoned on the floor. She wept bitterly. She fell hard to the floor, begging Aunty Kofoworola to help her.

That was the last time Nifemi laid eyes on Olusegun. He left for Abuja the following week. Nifemi eventually lost.
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