Marriage is not for all – Marriage is not by force


Truth be told, marriage is a big deal. It’s no child’s play. Only those with matured minds should venture into it. And God forbid you immediately start having kids, and then it’ll be easy for the couple to fall apart. They begin to have issues from immaturity to care for a little one, the responsibilities that come with a growing family and running the home. Then two income isn’t enough for the family talk less of one; pressures arising from all sides. Phew! Marriage isn’t always a bed of roses. God help us.

I said it before if you’re looking for a relationship to complete you, you will consistently feel very lacking so let’s also get that cleared. No one can provide you what you lack in yourself and you hope to survive on someone else’s strength. That someone else is not God or a magic genie, or a unicorn with wish-granting abilities. Your spouse is human. If you’re putting unrealistic mythical expectations on your relationship, it might end up more Greek tragedy than romantic comedy. A good relationship should not complete you; it should inspire and challenge you to work on filling in the cracks on a daily basis.

My husband can’t complete me, and I don’t put that heavy expectation on him. Both our responsibilities are to encourage and support each other to strive to be better every day.

However, there is a truth y’all need to know and come to grasp with – marriage is not for all and marriage is not by force. Marriage is not static. It’s not a one-size fits all pair of jeans that will always wear the exact same. Relationships will change, because people change. Don’t expect your marriage to go in a certain way, no matter how perfect you think you are. Your ability to stay calm and unconditional will be your greatest asset to help you stay afloat. Should you choose to be married, you have to be willing to re-adjust and re-commit to new seasons. Sometimes that change is screaming in your face (a newborn). And sometimes the change is more subtle and nuanced. It could be a promotion, a death, a diagnosis or a new city. The conditions in your marriage may change, but your commitment should not. I mentioned it earlier, maturity is the key to getting married and staying married. It shouldn’t be out of pressure from external forces that aren’t able to help you sustain your marriage.

While everyone is striving to be in the ‘marriage-dom’, let’s examine a few likely advantages of being single, shall we? Ultimately, it’s your happiness and confidence that matters.

  1. Single people are generally more social than married people. Married people sometime wish they had the opportunity to put themselves out there as well. So enjoy it without curfew
  2. Singles are investing in themselves and their careers. A lot of younger people are staying single longer so they can focus on their careers. They want to establish themselves and become a happy, successful person before having a serious relationship.
  3. Singles get much needed alone time. This is so critical for the sanity of a person. Once the family starts to come, your alone time is jeopardized till say the kids go off to boarding school or something. And even then there’s your spouse.
  1. You can avoid settling for a bad match. A lot of marriages now are destined for failure. You have to wonder how many of those still married stay together due to religious beliefs, financial reasons, or the sake of their children. If you’re not 100% sure what you expect from a partner, then singlehood might be for you.

My final word of advice – if you are unsure, it would be better to stay single than enter into marriage and rush out. Marriage is a big deal, yet it is not by force.

I have said my piece.

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