Relationships: Valuing your children

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I must have seen about 3 or 4 convictions about this topic last week and I thought to share here. One was from when I read my children “The Naughty Twin” as a bedtime story. The second through to fourth were from different movies I saw. Though the stories were different, the moral of the story, for me, was one and the same – love and treat your children equally.

The Naughty Twin is the Bible story of Jacob and his brother Esau. We all know how Jacob played the trick on Esau by making him sell his birth-right to him because of food. He was able to conceive the thought in his mind in the first place because of their father’s love and favoritism for his brother more than him. While Jacob was his mother’s favorite. Because the children knew they were both loved differently, they were able to take advantage of the situation and it wasn’t in a good way.

In the movie Spectre, after the younger Bond was orphaned, Oberhauser’s father became his temporary guardian. Believing that Bond supplanted his role as son, Oberhauser killed his father, staged his own death, and adopted the name Ernst Stavro Blofeld before going on to form Spectre. I’m guessing perhaps Oberhauser’s father, maybe in the bid to show equal love for young Bond and his own her, showed young Bond more and that perhaps made Oberhauser jealous to the extent of perpetrating such evil.

And so it goes in the other instances. Children want your love, equally, unquestioned, unadulterated, totally depending on you for everything. If they sense your divided attention while diverting more to their sibling, they may feel threatened, unloved, aggressive, and rebellious and it won’t be any good now and even in future. Their impression of love becomes dented and we don’t want to raise a generation of aggressive and rebellious kids. My children intermittently ask me if I love them, or if I am their friend. When I say ‘Yes, you’re my friend’, it signifies to them that they are in my good books and they become even more expressive and happier. When one feels I’m more friends with one than him/her, it kind of becomes a competition among them and instantly, I see the aggression to the other, crying, sulking, and yelling. It’s not what I enjoy.

We are all hoping and praying for a better world. It starts with the children. Love them, treat them equally and don’t show favoritism.

Food for thought!

 

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