Would it be a sin if I don’t love my wife?


A fan of http://www.itsallbuki.wordpress.com wanted me to put this out to the public and have your sincere feedback. Feel free to drop your comments.

Yes, I know it would be a sin to divorce my wife because the Bible opposes the notion. So I’ve been married for 13years to my quiet and unassuming wife. We have three lovely smart children together. We’ve all managed to get along amicably despite my occasional maddening attitude, especially towards my wife. But my marriage has ceased to be the happiest thing that happened to me, it’s become more of a compromise of what I want for myself, a settlement for what I’d rather be doing or maybe someone better I was meant to be with. Don’t get me wrong, my wife is awesome – despite the contrary belief I give or the derogatory words I use to put her down, she manages to hold her head up high 80% of the time – but I’ve somewhat come to believe my marriage is a complete waste of my time. When she cooks for me, I suddenly feel Nigerian foods are monotonous. When she gives herself to me – and she always readily does – I still look forward to sleeping alone in our bed afterwards. When she takes care of our children like she wants them to lack nothing, I’m still unappreciative. I want to love her and cherish her and honor her but I find myself detached from her.

Now, I know divorce isn’t an option – don’t ask me why – but I don’t want to continue feigning this life that so easily wears me out. I think I am trying to keep it together but sometimes I also think it’s just a matter of time before I’m enchanted by another woman. My wife is from a separated home and I promised her she wouldn’t have to go through that in her marriage, at least for the sake of our children and she doesn’t behave in any manner that would warrant me to “suddenly” ask for a divorce or separation which makes it even more difficult to cut away from this marriage. But the truth is I no longer love my wife. And from my conviction, I might be ready to live in this compromise for the rest of my life but what I want to know is – would it be a sin? Would it be wrong to subject her to a life of depreciation, dishonor, disaffection and inability or failure to bring her to her maximum potential by making her believe she is less than she is or she can be? Even at the expense of keeping the promise and vow I made to her? At the benefit of keeping our family under one roof? For the good of the children? Would it be a sin if I plainly don’t love my wife despite all these?

One thought on “Would it be a sin if I don’t love my wife?

  1. I would take the high road on this one and say yes it is a sin for you not to love your wife. There are different kinds of love, some men are crazy in love, some are respectfully in love, some are obligatorily in love. But some sort of love must exist in a marriage!

    The least any married person owes his or her partner is obligatory love. With this love comes respect, appreciation, kindness. If you as a man cannot muster up the least amount of love then you are sinning. Sinning because you promised to do so and have fallen short of the glory. There are various stages of marriage and sometimes love goes and comes but the basic remains. Look upon her as if she were your flesh and blood and act accordingly. Start with respect and appreciation, the rest i believe will naturally come back.

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