I longed for too long





Eversince Adebola was just a little girl, all she wanted was to love and be loved. Yet, in search for love, she kept herself intact for her lasting true love, never induldging in searching for love at awkward places or in seemingly deceitful people. From her young age, she had the wisdom to discern between honest and cunning people.

When she got married, she longed to start exercising all her dreams and fantasies with her husband. She gave herself so helplessly to him, trusting that he would make life and marriage as simple as he had promised her before their wedding. She loved him when he was good to her, she pacified him when he was low, she wanted him even when he thought he had nothing to offer, she encouraged him to be more than he was comfortable to be, she prayed and fasted for him even when he saw no reason why she ought to deprive herself. In all, she devoted herself to him without hesitation.

Until it became too much for him to live up to. He couldn’t be the simple man in marriage he thought he would be. Everthing became complicated and unexplanable. Communication between them became dead. Adebola pacified him to be the man he used to be till she herself became weary of appeasing. She prayed and fasted so much till she wasn’t sure he needed her prayers anymore. On the contrary, all she received in return for her love, time, dedication, sacrifice and commitment was bitterness and depression.

Sadness of one day turning into depression of ten years due to deprivation and lack of care. Until one day, out of the blues, her husband decides to want her. Adebola was shocked and confused at this sudden realization but she was grateful that he had realized her no less. She put in the effort to present herself, almost as the first time all over again to him.

As Adebola lay in the bossom of her husband, it dawned on her that she couldn’t conjure up the right emotions to allow herself be aroused by him. And unlike before, it now seemed he wasn’t doing enough to get her into the mood. Thankfully, her vagina still remembered to get wet at the slightest touch. So she prayed they would get through it quietly, without words, without forced professed love. The kind of love that is only worth professing during love making only for the benefit of accentuating the pleasure for the moment.

When it was over, he lay there holding her as though to let her feel a sense of connection even after the sex. But she looked lost at the cieling, wondering if this was it. All that she had prayed for and longed for, suddenly just seemed . . . undeserving.

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