The Many Disturbing Faces of Child Abuse

stop child abuseWhat comes to mind when I see an adult molesting a child is, ‘seriously, go pick up someone your own size’. What makes an adult want to pick on a helpless minor, I will never understand. My thought is if you think you have all the energy and time to harass someone, then match all of that to the energy and time of another adult and be sure you really are a champion instead of exercising your sick demented ego on an innocent child. What makes an adult want to harass a helpless minor I ask again, only one with low self-esteem, demented, sick and evil will result to a thing like child abuse. Even then, these reasons do not justify the action.

At the point of interview, I always ask my intending nannies why they choose to be a nanny over all other odd jobs. I’m not necessarily looking for the perfect answer because if it was too perfect even, I’ll query their response. But then, something in their attitude, in their demeanor, in their language to my children at first contact gives me a bit of trust to try them. And always, after the first few days or weeks, I ask my older child of his opinion of his new nanny. Once there’s a hesitation, I put on my watch-guard. All of these don’t of course prevent evil but it’s better to have a witness than leave a baby alone with a total stranger.

Take for instance the case of the adorable Ugandan baby who was practically tortured her nanny. Pardon me not to go into details of the torture or even share a video – it was too traumatizing for me to watch at a stretch. Seriously, if she didn’t have love or tolerance for little children, she shouldn’t even have bothered aggravating her evil or herself to the extent of getting international recognition for torturing a baby and getting the near-death beating of her life from the baby’s father plus a possible long-term sentence in prison. I’m thinking if she had a second chance, would she do it again? My guess is most likely yes – because it gets more difficult for an abuser to be rid of their domineering nature just by an act chastising their actions.

Or imagine the hesitant and sluggish Kanyinsola whom her mother thought too quiet and submissive to be shoved around. When everyone put the poor eight year old girl down so much, she became too repressed to even tell her parents about the pastor’s son who began to molest her every other night. Now, scandals’ surrounding “men of God” and sexual abuse is increasingly becoming worrisome and needs to be carefully monitored by the way. But when a mother gets comfortable sending her little children on errands in the night hour, there’s very little chance that such things like this won’t happen as it did to kanyinsola. Trust is a huge factor of consideration which shouldn’t be thrown to the wind. Yoruba people have an adage that translates, “we know whom we love but we do not know who loves us”. To err on the side of caution is to reduce evil in the land.

A friend sent me the most disturbing video yet sometime last year. I had to call her. I strongly advised her not to think of me when next she stumbles upon such a perverted video. These days, in my quiet moment, I say ‘do not make me a girl in my next life’. The perverted things men do to children, especially girls are frightening. It makes me not even want to leave my daughter alone with any male, regardless of who he is. Her safety and wellbeing is top priority to me. It’s important too that she’s outspoken and loud so she can speak out when mishandled. Sexual abuse to children, whether boy or girl, is horrendously unforgivable as far as I’m concerned.

When Jesus said in the Bible that it is better not to marry at all than to fall victim of divorce, this is so spot on. Not especially when children are involved – it becomes ugly and terrible. For whatever reason, spouses should learn to get it together for as long as it is in the benefit of their children. Imagine the situations these days when stepfathers or stepmothers batter – emotionally, physically and sexually – their stepchildren out of hatred or frustration. How can such a parent forgive his or herself learning what their partner did to their child? Would they still love their partners? Would they give their child away at any sick chance for the sake of love for the opposite sex? To forgive anyway is to have a second chance to repent and make amend. What if the abuse leads to the death or permanent psychological damage to the child? How then do you live with yourself?

There are many faces of abuse, even adults get abused in domestic violence and office harassment but I shudder always at the thought of an adult taking advantage of a less empowered minor. This is becoming increasingly present in news headlines all across the world. I lift up my banner and I say “NO TO CHILD ABUSE”. If you want to exercise your ego, pick on someone your own size and leave the children actually become signs and wonders of God’s creation.

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