Teach me only in the way of the Lord II

“I don’t understand why we have to be boyfriend and girlfriend”, Kanyinsola responded. She would have loved to yell at him but she wasn’t that daring. “We’ve been friends since Form One and even closer since Four. Everyone already thinks we’re in a relationship but we know better. We need not confirm other people’s opinion of us. We are Christians. These things should not be mentioned among us”.
“Being Christians does not mean we can’t express feelings to ourselves”, Tunde said, almost growling. His voice often sounded like that even when he wasn’t talking to Kanyinsola but it habitually intimidated her.
“But why do we have to give our relationship a name? Why do you want to be my boyfriend despite our closeness already?” she asked. She was concerned.
“Why not?”
“So you can feel you have my permission to sleep with me?” Kanyinsola let it out. She was angered and irritated. She had spoken her mind.
“I am disappointed you think like that”, Tunde uttered, looking straight into her eyes, almost as though he wanted her to be consumed by those honest words.
Kanyinsola lowered her face. She refused to be intimidated and shoved over for her opinion. It was her body anyway, hers to give to whomever she pleased. Yet she wasn’t interested in giving anything other than sincere and open friendship to anyone. She watched Tunde walk away from her. She was disgusted. All male were the same, she concluded, only interested in perverted activities with the opposite sex. She cringed from the annoyance that boiled from within. There was still a nostalgic feeling at the remembrance of the incident with the Pastor’s son which affected her in ways she wasn’t sure she understood. Yet she kept a strong determination to forge a normal life.
Her mother was never careful enough to detect any retraction in her daughter’s lifestyle. Kanyinsola was always too sluggish for her anyway. However, it was also not in her character to be patient in detecting such nitty-gritty. Yet, in their infrequent moments of friendship, Kanyinsola contemplated confiding in her mother but for fear of the indecent beatings. Her mother was not one to reason any situation calmly, whether misguidedly or intentionally. Kanyinsola feared that even if her mother had taken any step to salvaging her violation, she would have beaten her to a pulp first, then told everyone in the neighbourhood, forgetting that hers’ and her daughter’s image too would have been tarnished in the process before taking the matter to the pastor himself who might eventually beg to tamper justice with mercy.
Three weeks passed and Kanyinsola would not make the first attempt to talk to Tunde. He was probably having a filled time being away from their friendship. She refused to believe he would become such a nasty stranger because she questioned his intention. He couldn’t be willing to throw their six years of friendship away so soon, flaunting other female classmates in her face. Kanyinsola wasn’t taken by that. She really didn’t want to lose her friend though. She and Tunde had both made fun of other skinny girls who paraded themselves before him, wanting to be his girlfriend. It scared her to think she would be on the receiving end of ridicules such as that.   
     “I will be your girlfriend”, Kanyinsola said to him coldly after she couldn’t keep her thoughts in order.
“You know I have always loved you. I just wanted us to keep our friendship even after graduation”, Tunde assured her.
Kanyinsola had sent message to him to meet in one of the classrooms on a Saturday. They sat alone in a backseat as they talked. It was because they would probably never see each other after graduation that Kanyinsola agreed to be in a relationship with him after all. While they were still in school, she didn’t want to be ridiculed by Tunde himself and or any of those other girls who wanted to be his girlfriend.
He began to rub her back as he spoke. Kanyinsola was surprised at the rate at which he had eased into physical contact with her. He had never touched her like that before. She didn’t enjoy being touched at all. Her heart began to beat faster. She kept her gaze on the book she left open before her. Just then, Tunde unzipped his trouser under the table and brought out his erect penis. He picked her hand and put in on it. Kanyinsola froze. She didn’t want to hold it. Tunde noticed her stiffness.
“You will hold it if you love me”, he said to her.
She looked into his eyes. He had just confirmed her fears. She was disappointed. She got up. “I have to go”.
“I thought you had thought about this and you were ready for it”.
“I did think about it but I thought, hopefully, I thought I was wrong”, the tears almost rolled down her cheek.
“Are you going to cry?” Tunde quickly zipped up. He knew he had honestly wronged her.
“I just have to go”, she said and hurried out of the classroom. She wished Tunde hadn’t done what he did. She really liked him. She even hoped they would be friends after secondary school but he had to mess it up with his selfish impatient motive to defile her.
By that singular act, he had ruined their close years of friendship. She knew she would never forgive him or forget the horrible memories he left on her mind. Just as she saw the Pastor’s son for the first time in eight years only a year ago, she felt the rush of disgust. She couldn’t have managed to comport herself even in the presence of her father. It was parents’ visiting day and the school was crowded with people. Kanyinsola’s father had come to visit her and brought some home-made food in a flask. Kanyinsola ate in the car while her father spoke with someone outside. Her father and the man he spoke with moved nearer to her by the car.
“Kanyinsola, you remember Kolade the CAC’s pastor’s son, don’t you?” her father introduced.
She raised a nasty brow in defiance of his sight. She never thought she would ever see him ever again, thanks to the move to Ikeja. She imagined she hissed and spat on his face but she didn’t spit on his face. When her father called her in a way that showed disapproval of her manners to a man of God, Kanyinsola knew she had actually hissed out loud. But Kolade was quick to smile.
“Don’t worry sir. She’s just a child. Don’t worry about it. I have to get going now sir. It was nice to meet you again. My regards to your wife and the rest of the family”, the Pastor’s son quickly said. He had to leave before a worse embarrassment befell him if Kanyinsola were to say why she behaved in such an unruly manner. Her father asked no questions though but Kanyinsola’s appetite was ruined and she began to feel stiff hatred all over again. Her body cringed and she wished she had a gun; she would wipe out all of man. She knew that even if she moved on and put the incident behind her, she could never forgive him. In like manner, she would never forgive Tunde because he had reconfirmed her fears and brought back nightmares that made life a restrictive prison.
If only she had been free to confide in someone, her mother or father perhaps and get help, the hatred for men would not have lingered. Yet, Kanyinsola was sure that if it was only men who were anointed to teach the way of Lord, she would rather stay unsaved.

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